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dating advice Tag

Today I wanted to share with you a lovely email I received from one of my coaching clients (with his consent of course :)

Hi Rebecca,

I just wanted to email you to say thank you for such an insightful first coaching session with you. You asked me to let you how I found you and any feedback I had after our session so here it is...

After performing an initial internet search and checking the usual avenues (match.com, eharmony) I was interested in some tutorship to hone my confidence and improve my communicative ability across the board, but especially when dealing with women.

I found your site and browsed around, watching some introductory videos and reading into the services on offer, I decided that I would test the water by requesting a skype conversation with you to see where it would take me.

It worked out very well, I have seen a great deal of benefit from the advice provided during the session and have even been able to put some tips into practise! I want to talk about what helped and why, and to generally summarise the feeling I had after our session.

The thing that struck me about the conversation was how relaxed I felt talking to you. You  put at ease from the get go and didn’t feel like I needed to hold back or mask my emotions. This comfort enabled me to reveal things that I wouldn’t usually speak of and therefore allowed me to start working on some personal issues that would change the way I approach a potential ‘love-interest’ scenario.

13 March, 2012
Do you keep attracting the wrong sort of women? We all say it tongue in cheek… I attract these [insert appropriate negative people adjectives] ‘losers/crazy women/men etc… ‘ But then we baffle and wonder why, but keep doing it. It’s about taking responsibility and ownership and acknowledging these words literally. The people we attract are our responsibility. They are attracted to us because 'we' are attracting them. So what is it that we are unconciously seeking from them?...
01 March, 2012
Over the past few weeks I’ve been discussing communication and conversation. I wanted to share an experience a friend had with online dating with you today. This is how a guy who had a date arranged with my friend sabotaged it within 24 hours. After a couple of messages on match.com they finally exchanged phone numbers. After a handful of text messages they arranged a time to speak.
06 February, 2012
I’ve had a couple of guys recently asking me about what to talk to women about to avoid the conversation going dry. Remember my last post highlighting that only 7% of our communication is through words? Conversation is really is not what anyone should be getting hung up on. Be careful not to talk too much. If you’re worried about conversation I would suggest it’s because you talk too much when you should be listening. Because if you’re listening you wouldn’t be worried about what to say! :) It’s one of the biggest mistakes men (and women) make; talking about themselves too much.
12 January, 2012
Guys do you recognize when you feel this way? Here’s what happens when you consciously or sub consciously think this about your girlfriend/wife/partner…   1)   you feel angry at her for no reason 2)   you say things to put her down and make her feel bad 3)   you don’t compliment her or say anything nice 4)   you feel jealous 5)   you feel insecure 6)   you start arguments about silly things 7)   you start being ‘difficult’ 8)   you feel moody and miserable 9)   you may be prone to drinking in excess 10) you start trying to control her, making it inconvenient/impossible for her to go out without you   Can you resonate with any of the behaviours above? Here’s some food for thought…
28 August, 2011

How do you know if you’re sleazy?

1)   Do you always have to have some sort of physical contact with women when you speak to them?

2)   Do you consider it appropriate to touch a woman’s waist, bum when you speak to her?

3)   Do you make a lot of sexual innuendos and/or suggestive comments?.......

16 August, 2011

Too many guys focus on what they want when dating women, without thinking about what they offer and if the two compliment each other.

For example I’ve had someone who is extremely negative telling me that on their list if requirements for a woman is that they are a ‘positive person’.

07 August, 2011
It’s a problem I hear my girlfriends moan about all the time. They don’t say to me “he’s not a leader”, but ultimately this is what they mean when they say… “he never suggests anything for us to do”,  “he never makes any plans in advance to see me”. Women want excitement and adventure. Whilst spontaneous is good, making plans for the weekends and dates in advance shows a certain level of leadership and commitment (when I use the word commitment in this context I mean it as in shows you are committed to spending quality time with her and getting to know her). It’s good to have a mix of the two. But as a guy be the one who shows leadership. Even women who are independent are ultimately impressed when a guy steps up to show leadership.
01 August, 2011
Yes! I saw this tweeted the other day and it occurred to me that it is also relevant to dating. People are so focused on what they want that they forget what they have to offer, and what their value is as a human being. Think of women as your customers, ultimately they want to know when meeting a guy, what can he offer me? What’s in it for me?  
29 July, 2011


1. Peacocking (wearing an outrageous prop eg; pink tie, bright green cowboy hat) works but you have to have the confidence to back it up. The hat wasn’t a strong peacocking prop because it was a dull colour and looked non descript if it was pink, then that would have been :) 2. His lack of confidence was the first thing I noticed and he needs to build that to be able to sarge (approach and 'pull' women) successfully. This can come in a number of ways, firstly I would do sessions with Dan to find out what he believes his value to be as a human being, so he can practice his DHV’s (demonstrating higher value). You have to believe that you have something to offer the opposite sex, and from Dan’s lack of confidence his attributes need nailing first, and he needs to be aware of them, before he goes out in the field. Then I would take him out to give him a make over... clothes/style/hair. You have to look the part, because if you look the part it’s easier to act the part and he will gain some confidence from a style change. 3. To start negging (back handed compliment - I don't like these but they can work) right at the start when you haven’t made a confident approach is a big no no. Women can sense when there’s no confidence behind words. If a guy approached me the way Dan did, I’d be off on the first neg, thinking he was a weirdo. 4. He sounded insincere, which is due to lack of confidence. The whole thing was really forced and it didn’t come naturally to him. I would work with him by getting him to think about men who he admired and respected and the reasons why. Then we would analyze their success with women, and see what he could learn from them.

29 June, 2011