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It’s a problem I hear my girlfriends moan about all the time. They don’t say to me “he’s not a leader”, but ultimately this is what they mean when they say… “he never suggests anything for us to do”,  “he never makes any plans in advance to see me”.

Women want excitement and adventure. Whilst spontaneous is good, making plans for the weekends and dates in advance shows a certain level of leadership and commitment (when I use the word commitment in this context I mean it as in shows you are committed to spending quality time with her and getting to know her).

It’s good to have a mix of the two. But as a guy be the one who shows leadership. Even women who are independent are ultimately impressed when a guy steps up to show leadership.

“We should hook up sometime”

“Lets do something next week”

“Lets go out sometime soon”

Avoid using vague words like ‘something’ and ‘sometime’.

Be proactive! “Lets go out next week, how about Tuesday?” If she needs to check her diary, you make tentative plans and ask her to let you know if she can’t make it, what night she can do. *NB – don’t be too available though, there are always nights/days you can’t meet her.

You also already have ideas of what to do, so when she asks what you want to do, you can make suggestions without saying, “I’m not sure yet” or throwing the ball back in her court and saying “what do you want to do?”

Give her options but still be assertive. Eg:

“So do you want to do something adventurous and wild, or something traditional and romantic?”

Adventurous options: Go Ape (tree assault course in forest), quad biking – something out doors and exciting.

Traditional and romantic options: picnic with champagne, boating on the lake, cooking for her or dinner and theatre.

You have one choice only for each. That’s what being assertive and a leader is all about, not trying to throw as many options out as possible. That looks indecisive. When she has chosen you book it. Again this is reaffirming your leadership.

Why is this important? Because it’s the foundations for showing leadership ultimately in the long term….

‘Lesson #2: Show leadership

If a man wants to be seen as worthy and have a good relationship with a woman, he has to show leadership. When he sees a situation that needs to be dealt with, he should step forward and handle it. People admire those who step forward to handle difficult situations. We don’t admire those who stand back and wait for others to solve the problem.

Some men avoid taking the lead because they don’t want to be criticized. They think they’re playing it safe. A man should say, “I’ll handle it,” and take the initiative to find solutions. If he’s not sure what the solution is, do what other leaders do — consult the many sources of information available.’

Reference: http://www.aish.com