DHV Archives - The Great British Sexpert - Rebecca Dakin
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DHV Tag

Recently I made myself familiar with the Celebs Go Dating series, and it got me thinking about what my top tips for dating would be based on the recent series. There’s so many, however here are 5 of my top tips… Always be present. Don’t...

The other week I had an interview with Richard E Grant for a documentary for BBC Worldwide. Now you probably think that I’m uber confident, well I am in some situations and not in others – like many people. You might be able to speak to a boardroom full of people, but then not to a lady you spot in a bar that you like.

You may look at some guys and think ‘it’s all right for him he’s good looking/ funny/successful’ etc….

You can’t force humour you either have it or you don’t. With your looks you might not be the best looking guy, but that doesn’t matter either as long as you keep yourself groomed well and dress well. Success is relative. Everyone has different ideas of what success means – so this isn’t something you can measure, but women are attracted to men with goals and ambitions.

But what is it about YOU women like? What makes you stand out from other guys?

Great tip here from Neil Strauss

Things not to say to a woman…

"I don't really talk to my family."

She thinks: "This guy has intimacy issues because he's not even able to love his family!" Don't reveal negative personal baggage about yourself in the early stages of meeting a woman. Instead show her you love and take care of all of those close to you: family, friends, girlfriends, and even pets. Being a protector of your loved ones is very sexy to women.’

Guys do you recognize when you feel this way? Here’s what happens when you consciously or sub consciously think this about your girlfriend/wife/partner…   1)   you feel angry at her for no reason 2)   you say things to put her down and make her feel bad 3)   you don’t compliment her or say anything nice 4)   you feel jealous 5)   you feel insecure 6)   you start arguments about silly things 7)   you start being ‘difficult’ 8)   you feel moody and miserable 9)   you may be prone to drinking in excess 10) you start trying to control her, making it inconvenient/impossible for her to go out without you   Can you resonate with any of the behaviours above? Here’s some food for thought…


1. Peacocking (wearing an outrageous prop eg; pink tie, bright green cowboy hat) works but you have to have the confidence to back it up. The hat wasn’t a strong peacocking prop because it was a dull colour and looked non descript if it was pink, then that would have been :) 2. His lack of confidence was the first thing I noticed and he needs to build that to be able to sarge (approach and 'pull' women) successfully. This can come in a number of ways, firstly I would do sessions with Dan to find out what he believes his value to be as a human being, so he can practice his DHV’s (demonstrating higher value). You have to believe that you have something to offer the opposite sex, and from Dan’s lack of confidence his attributes need nailing first, and he needs to be aware of them, before he goes out in the field. Then I would take him out to give him a make over... clothes/style/hair. You have to look the part, because if you look the part it’s easier to act the part and he will gain some confidence from a style change. 3. To start negging (back handed compliment - I don't like these but they can work) right at the start when you haven’t made a confident approach is a big no no. Women can sense when there’s no confidence behind words. If a guy approached me the way Dan did, I’d be off on the first neg, thinking he was a weirdo. 4. He sounded insincere, which is due to lack of confidence. The whole thing was really forced and it didn’t come naturally to him. I would work with him by getting him to think about men who he admired and respected and the reasons why. Then we would analyze their success with women, and see what he could learn from them.