Why Too Many compliments don’t work…
After watching the last couple of series of Take Me Out I have been promising this post, because many guys fell into this trap. It’s long over due.
Guys when you give a woman too many compliments you rightly or wrongly come across as:
- needy- having low self esteem- desperate- having a lack of confidence- a wimp- not genuine- being in awe
What you have to remember is that most of what we communicate doesn’t come out of our mouth. 97% is non-verbal communication, leaving a measly 7% for our patter.
With this in mind how come we get so hung up on what to say?
I always feel disappointed when I hear the “my friend fancies you”. Straight away I make these assumptions about this ‘friend’ bearing in mind the fact the guy who likes me hasn’t said one word to me…
I think, ‘he’s got no balls, he’s not a leader, he’s not assertive, he lacks confidence, he’s a coward, he’s immature.’
Guys do you recognize when you feel this way?
Here’s what happens when you consciously or sub consciously think this about your girlfriend/wife/partner…
1) you feel angry at her for no reason
2) you say things to put her down and make her feel bad
3) you don’t compliment her or say anything nice
4) you feel jealous
5) you feel insecure
6) you start arguments about silly things
7) you start being ‘difficult’
8) you feel moody and miserable
9) you may be prone to drinking in excess
10) you start trying to control her, making it inconvenient/impossible for her to go out without you
Can you resonate with any of the behaviours above? Here’s some food for thought…
1. Peacocking (wearing an outrageous prop eg; pink tie, bright green cowboy hat) works but you have to have the confidence to back it up. The hat wasn’t a strong peacocking prop because it was a dull colour and looked non descript if it was pink, then that would have been :)
2. His lack of confidence was the first thing I noticed and he needs to build that to be able to sarge (approach and 'pull' women) successfully. This can come in a number of ways, firstly I would do sessions with Dan to find out what he believes his value to be as a human being, so he can practice his DHV’s (demonstrating higher value). You have to believe that you have something to offer the opposite sex, and from Dan’s lack of confidence his attributes need nailing first, and he needs to be aware of them, before he goes out in the field. Then I would take him out to give him a make over... clothes/style/hair. You have to look the part, because if you look the part it’s easier to act the part and he will gain some confidence from a style change.
3. To start negging (back handed compliment - I don't like these but they can work) right at the start when you haven’t made a confident approach is a big no no. Women can sense when there’s no confidence behind words. If a guy approached me the way Dan did, I’d be off on the first neg, thinking he was a weirdo.
4. He sounded insincere, which is due to lack of confidence. The whole thing was really forced and it didn’t come naturally to him. I would work with him by getting him to think about men who he admired and respected and the reasons why. Then we would analyze their success with women, and see what he could learn from them.
