Why Too Many compliments don’t work…

After watching the last couple of series of Take Me Out I have been promising this post, because many guys fell into this trap. It’s long over due.

Guys when you give a woman too many compliments you rightly or wrongly come across as:

–       needy

–       having low self esteem

–       desperate

–       having a lack of confidence

–       a wimp

–       not genuine

–       being in awe

However if you give one well thought out, original compliment you rightly or wrongly come across as:

–       a man who is sure of himself

–       a man who knows what he wants

–       a leader

–       assertive

–       a secure, stable man

–       someone who is not a pushover


Basically the more you use compliments the less power you have. If you’re someone who rarely gives a compliment it means more when you actually do, whereas if you do it all the time people don’t take you seriously.

The key with compliments is to give a powerful one with a slight neg at the end and then make her work for more compliments. This will earn her respect for you. You need to say it confidently, smoothly and with no apologies. This shows a woman that you are confident and secure as a man.

There’s nothing worse than hearing a guy say “I’m sorry but… I had to tell you how beautiful you are.” I mean why? Why would you be sorry? Sorry negates your compliment because it makes you look a wimp.

Also compliments that start, “ I bet you hear this all the time, but I just had to tell you…”  are not cool. Think of something original to say then!

You should only compliment a woman when she’s really earned it.  Or when you first meet her, you can give her one single compliment as an opener. However it has to be original. I’ve mentioned this before in blog posts. You gain huge brownie points for noticing a woman’s hair, dress, shoes, makeup. These are all things she has put time and effort into to present to the outside world. Compliments about these sorts of things or her character, maybe she’s thoughtful, kind or funny, will impress a lady much more than you saying the cliché lines, “you are so beautiful” “I love your eyes” You have lovely legs/ass/boobs”.

The key to a powerful compliment is not to dwell on it or repeat it. Say it and move on to other conversation. She will be pondering it and seeking more compliments but make her work for them.

For example: “I had to stop and tell you that I love the dress you are wearing it really flatters your figure, you have great style”.

Then follow it with….

“You know I could see us going out some time in the future, I think we’d look good together but I don’t really know you.  What else is there about you that I should know about?  Are you fun to be around and easy going?”  Say this in a playful, fun tone of voice with a cheeky smile.

It’s a powerful compliment and one that will lead her to proving herself to you that she is fun and easy going.

To practice using compliments as openers, go to a busy place either to the city or somewhere where there will be lots of ladies and just practice with every woman that walks past whether you are attracted to her or not. Just notice something nice/interesting about her, whether it’s her hair, nails, dress, a bag she’s carrying. It doesn’t matter how small it’s just a way to start observing and noticing things that you perhaps didn’t notice before. Just write them down there’s no need to open anyone.

If you don’t have the confidence to open with a compliment just slip one in, casually when you are mid conversation talking to a woman you like, and then don’t dwell on it and expect a response, resume your conversation as if it was nothing. Trust me the woman will be flattered, not feel under pressure and will be pondering your compliment and wondering if you will give her any more. She will immediately unconsciously be pondering how she feels about you.

E.g: you might be at work and talking to a colleague… “did you have a good weekend what did you get up to?”

Her: “yes thanks. I went out with some friends Friday night and then went to the gym Saturday”

You: “By the way I love that dress you’re wearing. So where did you end up Friday night?”

Give it a whirl guys and see what you think 🙂 Let me know how you get on!