This Morning ran an interesting debate yesterday in light of Grant Bovey’s affair about whether Anthea Turner was to blame for his infidelity and if in general women are to blame for their men’s infidelity. In some cases yes women are to blame.
Uk viewers can watch the clip (for a limited time) here: http://www.itv.com/thismorning/life/should-woman-ever-take-blame-for-husbands-affair/
This couple are not a great example to use for this debate, as I’ve already discussed their relationship here… http://www.infidelityexpert.co.uk/infidelity/anthea-turner-and-grant-bovey-break-up/
They were both married when they got together. The only reason that Anthea is accepting responsibility is because of guilt. She publically initially when he cheated said that she now knew how ‘the other woman’ felt. These are two people that haven’t a clue about fidelity!
My opinion is this – whilst Angela Epinstein makes some great valid points, I am tired of hearing that men cannot help their cheating ‘it’s in their DNA’ from caveman times. We have evolved as human beings and are no longer in cave men times; in the Uk we are not in a society where we are forced into marriage. By giving this excuse it really is giving men a green light to cheat and leading them to believe that they don’t have to take responsibility for their choices and actions.
I agree with Angela that men are visual and are and in some ways more vulnerable to cheating and that they make excuses when they cheat to that it was ‘only sex’ or ‘we didn’t actually have penetrative sex so it’s not cheating’ and no feelings were involved. However it doesn’t make it ok!
Angela talks a lot about being aware of the dynamics in your marriage/relationship and she’s right. However this is something that both sides need to be aware of – the changing dynamics of the relationship. Is he not asking for sex as much as he used to? Don’t think ‘great he’s off my back!’ Think ‘where is he getting it?’ This is the danger zone not a time for contentment!
Marriage is a choice, and as journalist Alley Einstein says marriage is about mutual respect. I wouldn’t however be as extreme as to say that if the guy is thinking about cheating he should initiate a divorce… how about putting effort and time and energy into trying to make the marriage work? The faster our lives get with modern technology the lazier we become and the less effort we want to put into our relationships.
In my opinion the third party is never partially at fault unless it is a family member or friend. In the situation of a man cheating on his wife I see it as the other woman does her a favour by highlighting that he can’t be trusted. If it were my man I wouldn’t give him an easy ride by partly blaming the other woman, unless I was partly to blame.
If so then I would take all, or part responsibility for his cheating. For example if he’d tried to communicate to me that he wasn’t happy, and deal and address issues and I was burying my head in the sand and/or making him feel uncomfortable to address his issues and distancing myself from him both emotionally and physically.
However things are never black and white I do believe that sometimes women are to blame for their men’s infidelity and visa versa; some men are to blame for women’s infidelity.