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A Guardian reader asked Pamela Stephenson-Connoly.

“My wife and I have been happily married for 10 years, and we have sex often. Three months ago, however, after we discussed it, my wife bought a “realistic” vibrator. I’ve found myself growing steadily intimidated by it. I know length isn’t that important, but girth definitely is: and the girth is quite drastically different. I just can’t shake the idea that she’ll find my “normal” size less appealing over time.”

Here are my thoughts…

Sex toys are a pretty standard part of kit for many men and women nowadays for both couples and singles play. When used between couples they are used to create different sexual sensations to enhance sex not to replace it.

Men are more obsessed with penis size than women. You’re saying that girth definitely is important; is this for her or you?

You talked very openly before she purchased a vibrator which is great, however have you talked openly about your feelings since? This would be the place to start.

When she knows how you feel perhaps it will be something you use less often, and when you do hopefully she will be sensitive to your feelings.

Why not surprise her by buying her a smaller clitoral vibrator as a gift and experiment together with that.

Have you discussed your fantasies and desires with her? There are many other ways to experiment without using sex toys, e.g. role-play, tantric sex.

Clearly you have a great sex life after 10 years and it’s very refreshing to hear.

This toy can be used on both men and women and it’s only a fiver! Bargain. For you get her to try it on your perenium, around your anus and your balls. for her it’s a beast on her clitoris. There are a huge selection at #LoveHoney