11 Jun The Value of Virginity
The Guardian reported on 18 year old Phin who has chosen a life of celibacy until he finds ‘The One’
It’s not for everyone, however I admire those that choose it especially nowadays where ‘sex’ is thrust (excuse the pun) in our faces daily in the media and heavily so in advertising. Then there is porn and the internet where even school children are exposed to extreme and some violent sexual imagery.
Certainly virginity didn’t work for me, and although I have no regrets about spending 10 years in the sex industry it was for me an easy thing to do after many years as a promiscuous teenager, however what I lacked from a young age was the self confidence, belief and value that Phin has, which is a shame.
He will certainly find it more challenging at college/University as girls will see it as a challenge to try and seduce him!
If more teenagers were like him choosing to make decisions based on his own morals and values rather than feeling obliged to ‘fit in’ with others and follow the crowd, then there would be less STDs and pregnancies in the younger generation.
How many children’s lives change forever with teenage pregnancies? How many kids fail at school or college because their obsessive interest is boys/girls?
What I do hope is that the rising levels of the statistics for virginity isn’t because of the increased levels of virtual relationships through social media, and porn. Is this another case of people avoiding real human interaction and even fearing it in some level because of desperate insecurities?
I don’t agree with Fin’s statement that ‘casual sex’ doesn’t work long term, because as an 18-year-old virgin he’s not able to have an opinion on this. No one should make sweeping statements because everyone has different needs and desires.
Again he isn’t qualified to say that if you have sex you have an emotional and physical connection with someone. As an ex escort I know this to be untrue for me. My clients got my body but not my mind and soul, my boyfriends would get ‘me’, all of me.
I know married couples that are into swinging and enjoy a string of casual encounters as well as leading a very fulfilling sex life as couples. Some have been together over 10 years and it works for them, both are equally happy and content with their agreement. So you can’t say it doesn’t work for everyone, it works for some, if it’s mutually agreed and enjoyed as part of agreed relationship boundaries.
I only hope that when Phin finally takes the plunge so to speak that he doesn’t get too obsessively attached to the person he has sex with and stifle them, to the point they end things and he can’t let go.
As a virgin he has control over his body and his feelings but in due course when he’s intimate with someone he won’t have control over their body and feelings. I hope that he can deal with any unrequited feelings if they ever arise.
How is he going to deal with it if his chosen one decides to move on? Will he be celibate then for the rest of his life?
My personal opinion is that this guy is setting himself up for a huge expectations and disappointment! Although I hope very much to be proved wrong.