13 Jan Should I Get Divorced
Should I Get Divorced
January is the month that most people file for divorce, hence why it’s known as ‘Divorce January’, however the question of ‘should I get divorced’ is not a decision to take lightly, make hastily and neither is there a right or wrong answer to whether divorce is the answer for you.
Things to Consider Before Filing for Divorce
Sit down with your partner and evaluate the relationship. If you have a partner who won’t acknowledge that there are issues in the relationship, avoids any communication, buries their head in the sand, gaslighting you into believing that the one with a problem is you therefore it’s not a collective problem, it’s a surefire way to leave divorce as the only solution. Being fobbed off and hanging on in there expecting things to change only delays the inevitable.
You need 2 people on board with and equal desire to communicate and resolve issues within the marriage utilising an unbiased third-party coach or therapist if needs be. Without this the relationship would be considered toxic and highly dysfunctional.
If you have a receptive partner, then the first step is to clarify your individual physical and emotional needs (these are the needs that are independent of any children involved). A marriage partnership is about two autonomous beings that bring value to each other’s lives and support each other through the inevitable ups and downs to collaboratively resolve any issues that arise as the relationship evolves.
Prioritising, making time for, and the willingness to have uncomfortable conversations is paramount.
Emotional needs include, however are not limited to, feeling…
- Heard
- Supported
- Valued
- Validated
- Desired/attractive
- Loved
- Secure in the relationship
- An intimate emotional connection
Physical needs examples include…
- Hugs, kisses, physical contact
- Intimate physical connection (sex)
- Quality time together
- Quality time apart
- Shared responsibilities at home and with child rearing
- Autonomy
- Pursuing of personal individual interests/hobby
- Financial security
Once they have been clarified then you can assess which aren’t being met and discuss ways you can both help meet each other’s needs. It’s also an opportunity to reflect whether you can fulfil your partner’s needs, and visa versa.
Another huge consideration is whether there is mutual sexual attraction. Couples can fall into a codependent friendship where there is no intimacy or physical attraction present anymore. Attraction is something that can come back, however it does take some work.
When I’m working with couples and individuals as a sex and relationship coach for these issues, I help them rebuild attraction and intimacy, however we start with the basics (as outlined above), and get the foundations in place.
Attraction is often about the physical and emotional needs being met initially; however chronic self-neglect is also a reason attraction can dwindle. A poor lifestyle, eating habits and choices leading to obesity or bloating from excessive alcohol intake can be factors to the loss of intimacy and physical attraction.
Before you throw in the towel and file divorce why not jump on a call with me and we can explore whether you would benefit from my coaching/therapy services either as a couple or individually so I can help you find the right solution for you?
You can book a FREE 30-minute call with me here…
https://calendly.com/rebeccadakin/30-minute-clarity-call
In the meantime, to clarify here are some bullet point considerations if you’re pondering the ‘should I get divorced’ question…
- Evaluate Your Reasons
Ask yourself why you are considering divorce. Are the issues in your marriage truly irreparable, or could they be addressed through therapy or coaching and improved communication? Temporary frustrations or misunderstandings can sometimes overshadow the potential for growth and resolution.
- Consider the Impact on Children
If you have children, their well-being should be a top priority. Divorce can significantly impact children emotionally and mentally. Think about how custody arrangements, co-parenting, and potential disruptions to their routines might affect them.
- Financial Implications
Divorce can be costly, not only in terms of legal fees but also in dividing assets and restructuring your financial life. Take stock of your current financial situation, including debts, assets, and future earning potential. Consulting a financial advisor or attorney early can help you prepare.
- Emotional Preparedness
Divorce is a challenging process that can take a toll on your mental and emotional health. It’s important to have a strong support system in place, whether that includes friends, family, or a therapist.
- Legal Considerations
Understand the divorce laws in your state, including residency requirements and grounds for divorce. Researching your legal options and consulting with a qualified attorney can help you navigate the process more effectively.