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So I’m out in Nottingham at the weekend in a crowded club, when a group of 3 young lads (early 20’s) approach me. One tried to pull the “I’ve got these two friends..” PUA (Pick Up Artist) routine with me. It was unnatural, he lacked confidence and it came across as uncomfortable for him and his unsure friends (wing men) behind him.

Little did they know that inside a busy club they had picked the one lady who was a dating coach and who had studied Ross Jeffries, Mystery’s and Neil Strauss’s seduction and pick up. Now what’s the chances of that?! Bless. They didn’t believe me and spent the rest of the night asking the people I was with what I did for a living. Now I was at a 40th that was a friend of a friends, so truthfully they didn’t actually know what I did.

I was highly amused. Now I could have been mean and played it out, and had a bit of fun along the way, but I decided to tell them there and then.

The problem with PUA is that often you’re pretending to be someone you are not, and you forget the good old fashioned ‘just making a conversation’ with people. So guys can end up trying too hard. Also you need to be original and come up with your own stuff, because if you’re using a routine that other guys use then inevitably there is a risk of girls having heard it all before.

He also broke the 3 second rule (clock a woman and approach within 3 seconds without thinking about it and increasing nerves) – because he definitely had to try and build up courage to approach me, and the thing is his confidence wasn’t there. Women can sniff out a lack of confidence a mile off, so unless you can get yourself in that place where you feel that you are of value, you are important and interesting, then the approach will not go well.

How do you deal with this? Go back to my earlier post… recognize and believe that you are of value, work on yourself and your confidence. Be aware of your qualities and gain strength and confidence from this, so that when you approach you demonstrate higher value. This will mean that you walk tall and with purpose, you stand grounded and are not fidgety, and you speak clearly and concisely. Your body language will show confidence if you believe in yourself.

To approach me when I was at the bar with my friend and almost close in on me was a faux pas too. It felt like I was being trapped in. He should either have waited for me to move away from the bar, or if he was going to approach me at the bar do so at an angle so that him and his friends were on one side, so that I had an exit. It’s here that Mystery’s dismissive (not quite in the moment) behaviour would have worked. See here… watch how he gains the attention and interest of every girl in the set.

Pick up routines work well, for exactly that ‘picking up’, they’re not generally conducive with good dating skills. Guys who are looking to date and not ’play the game’ can learn a lot about confidence though Pick up Artists, and there is material of value, but I’d strongly advise against using routines, if you are genuinely looking to date women with the view to a long term relationship.