15 Apr How Many Times Do Your Neediness Gremlins Miss You Dating Opportunities?
So you get her number, so you know she’s interested right?….. Or maybe did she feel obliged to give you her number? Maybe she just meant as friends because she can’t possibly be interested in you, maybe she was just being polite, so just so as not to offend you’ll fish for a little bit more from her and see if she asks you out, so you have a clear message of interest.
STOP!
I have worked with a couple of guys recently who have both had similar experiences with ladies. With their permission I am sharing their situations so that others can learn.
These examples show how very quickly you can go from hero to zero…
Here’s how their experiences went:
Guy 1 meets a girl on a night out and he’s had a few beers so is full of dutch courage, and even though he is younger, he comes across as confident and assertive, so he piques her interest.
Guy 1: I’d like to take you on a date
Girl 1: I’d like that, here’s my number
Here’s where he loses it a few days later….
Guy1: Text message ‘so where do you want to go out?’
Girl 1: Call me
A couple of days later….
Guy 1: I called there was no answer and you didn’t call me back, did you still want to go out? (he hadn’t given her his number and he didn’t leave a voice mail message)
He never heard from her again.
He couldn’t understand what happened. Lets break it down…
1) He should never have asked her where to go on a date. His next question should have been are you free on x date to meet at x
2) The clue was there that he was dealing with a confident, assertive woman who desired an assertive man when she asked him to call in a very minimalistic text
3) He didn’t leave a voice mail and then questioned again if she was interested
He came across the exact opposite without the beer… needy, unsure, unconfident, weak, immature, none of which are attractive traits in a man.
I worked with him to become more assertive, boost his confidence and he is now dating steadily a lady he knew from work who he hadn’t realized until working with me had fancied him for months and been giving him all the signs!
Guy 2 meets a girl on a night out with mutual friends and she gives him her number. He starts texting…
Guy 2: I really like you I think you’re amazing I’d love to spend more time with you
Girl 2: Cool I’m flattered I’d like to spend more time with you
Here’s where he loses it….
Guy 2: J)))))))))))
Great night
1 Day later…. You ok?
Girl 2: Yes
Guy 2: Was a good night wasn’t it?
Girl 2: Yes
Guy 2: would like to take you out for drinks sometime
Girl 2: Yes that would be cool
Guy 2: I’ll stop pestering you now I’ll leave it to you if you fancy a drink
She never contacted him.
What happened?
Let me share woman’s perspective so you can avoid similar faux pas..
1) She agreed to spend more time with him so the next message should have been an invite, instead she gets a number of smiley faces, which is not something she can reply to, and neither is his next text of ‘great night’
2) To then ask her a day later if she is ok because he didn’t get a reply means he was seeking her to make more of a move
3) He keeps referring the night they had with mutual friends and goes on about it too much, seemingly fishing for her to say more
4) He mentions taking her out for drinks, but doesn’t specifically ask her out
5) Not content with her second agreement to go out, he says he will leave it to her!
6) The message this woman received was ‘this guy is hard work’, ‘he is emotionally draining’, ‘he’s fishing for compliments’.
Believe it or not there are women that don’t want to engage in a barrage of text messages!
This guy lost it because he came across unconfident, unsure, needy, he placed her at a higher worth than himself. He was so focused on the past he messed up an opportunity for a future date.
As soon as he got the green light for spending more time he should have specifically asked her out, and chosen a date and location.
I am working with him on building his sense of self worth. It’s admirable to treat women with respect and put them on a pedestal however you need to believe you are of equal value for a successful relationship. If you don’t respect yourself no one else will, women will take advantage of you, and/or you will probably fall into the dreaded ‘friend zone’.
When you believe you are of value as a person ‘Approach Anxiety’ doesn’t exist and ‘Rejection’ is like water off a ducks back, because it’s her loss!
Can you spot the similar pattern? Guys don’t let your gremlins sabotage your dates!
Don’t allow your neediness to ruin your love life. Be assertive and don’t miss the boat when you have dating opportunities, especially when you have already done the hard part by getting her number.
If any of this resonates with you and you want my help don’t delay, get in touch today and start your journey to dating success!