One of my recent blog posts I discussed how we can’t keep doing the same things and expect different results.
So what’s holding YOU back? Is it confidence? If so what are YOU doing to build it?
This could be lack of confidence due to lack of experience in the bedroom, lack of confidence due to not feeling good enough, lack of confidence because of fear of rejection…. The list is endless.
Confidence is one of the main things I can help you with on a One to One Session, because it’s not your lack of experience in the bedroom, or not actually being good enough, it’s your perception that this is what makes YOU undesirable, not actually what others think of you.
Here’s the thing if I met a guy who was inexperienced in bed I’d think ‘great!’ Someone I can teach to be an amazing lover! Who isn’t stuck in his ways and thinks he’s great in bed when he isn’t. There’s this misconception that people that have a lot of sex must be very good at it – wrong! ……
So by focusing on your lack of sexual experience you are sabotaging any hope of successfully meeting and dating women, because you will be focused on sexual intimacy with them that might never happen – with or without being sexually experienced! So you consistently deter people.
You just need to look to meet and date kind, thoughtful and understanding people (and you can suss this out as you are getting to know them), who won’t have an issue with a man without experience. They do exist, and they are out there. I am proof!
Second of all not feeling good enough – if you think that you’re not good enough then you won’t be, because your mind rules your behaviour and beliefs. But that’s not how others see you, it’s your perception – so to change this you have to change your perception of yourself.
Two of my favourite Buddha Quotes:
‘Our life is a creation of our mind’
‘We are Shaped by our Thoughts we become what we think’
These ARE to be taken literally!
A new client emailed me the other day and the title of his email was ‘I am a Loser’
Now the title told me what his real issue was.
He proceeded to write that his lack of sexual experience with women (he’s a virgin) was holding him back from getting a girlfriend.
Wrong! What is holding him back from getting a girlfriend is the perception he has of himself; ‘I am a Loser’.
I work with people to give them the tools to change their perception, but they have to be willing to learn and ready for battle, because it’s very hard. I have done it myself so I am speaking from experience. It takes over every second of every day for a long, long time. But, the end result is literally life changing.
Are YOU ready to change your life?
Lastly the fear of rejection – comes from the perception that every time you get rejected it’s about YOU, which fuels your lack of self confidence, and reaffirms that belief you have of yourself that you’re not good enough – you are automatically taking the blame/responsibility for a woman not being interested in you. Which is a silly thing to do. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying it will never be about you, but you shouldn’t automatically assume it is. The lady you approach might have a partner, boyfriend, husband, lesbian lover, and she may have recently argued with her parter and not be in a good mood. She may have lost her job, or be having a tought time at work, or just had a crappy day. It could be her time of the month and she might be suffering from PMT – there are literally a million reasons why a woman might not want to talk to YOU, so why assume it has anything to do with you?
What do you think happens when super confident men approach women? You might only see or hear about the times he make s a successful approach – however he will have been rejected loads of times, but the difference is it’s like water off a ducks back, there’s plenty more fish in the sea, and the confident man will never assume that the problem with him, he will always assume it’s with her, regardless, so he doesn’t feel hurt and rejection. He’ll be thinking ‘her loss’! And if YOU believe YOU are of value then you genuinely believe it is. It’s a numbers game for a confident man – the more approaches he makes, the easier the rejections become because there’s successes along the way, so his focus is on the successful girls he chats up – not the ones who rejected him.
Being a qualified NLP and Hypnosis practitioner I can work with you to solve all of these issues above and much more.
You can arrange your time with me here: http://www.rebeccadakin.com/ask-rebecca/dating-advice/men/consultation/