The Uk show Snog Marry and Avoid has prompted this blog post.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00htyc7
When I look at most of the girls on there I see me at 18 desperately wanting to shock people but putting on a front to hide the real me.
I have the same back-story as many of the girls, and as extreme. By aged 13 I was getting verbally bullied for being ugly and having a round face. I grew to despise my round face and to some level now if I’m truthful I still feel self-conscious about it, even though deep down I know that there is nothing wrong with it, hence why mostly I wear my hair down.
At my most extreme time of self consciousness’ I wore a full face of make up which took an hour to apply – dark eyes, and red lips to create a mask. If people looked at my lips and eyes they maybe wouldn’t my round face wouldn’t get noticed. I thought smiling made it look rounder so I covered my face with my hand when I laughed and hid behind a curtain of my hair. By the time I was 16 I turned into an exhibitionist and wore a variety of shocking clothes including rubber dresses, see through trousers, chain mail, shorts with suspenders.
My Dad always asked if I was getting dressed before I went out and said I’d attract the wrong kind of men. ‘What does he know?’ I thought. For me any attention from men was positive especially when suddenly it was sexual interest instead of being mocked for the shape of my face.
This is why I can relate to many of the people on Snog Marry and Avoid, they all have the same insecurities as me on some level.
I look back now and I hate to admit that my dad was right. It took me until I was 25 to realize that less (flesh) is more and cover up in classy clothes and less makeup.
I had the attitude that many of exhibitionists have which was ‘this is me and if you judge me based on my clothes you’re not the sort of person I want to know any way.’
How ever people do judge and make assumptions and if I saw me then now, I would know that I was troubled and not happy.
Many women hide on some level whether it’s behind the minimal clothes and maximum makeup or on the other end of the scale those that try to be invisible and wear baggy clothes and no make up and try to not stand out.
Any ladies that are going through the same stage I did, will probably get a lot of male attention and a lot of guys wanting you for sex, but they won’t see you as ‘girlfriend material’.
You don’t need to see POD to get a make under. Try it yourself. Experiment. If you feel uncomfortable to do so in your hometown take a trip out of town. See how what you wear affects the sort of men you attract.
I believe in the old rule of not showing legs and boobs together.
Sexy clothes that cover up are:
– Fitted Pencil skirts
– Heels elongate and create a sleek silhouette
– Fitted shift dresses
– Skinny trousers/jeans or fitted slim trousers
-Fitted jackets
– feminine floral print flowing dresses which are fitted at the bust and flowing skirts
– Stretch Herve Leger style bandage dresses. French Connection have affordable alternatives
To compliment your classy clothes wear natural make up, no hair, lash or nail extensions. If you go on You Tube there are hundreds of videos on how to do natural make up.
All guys whilst appreciate make up on some level prefer a natural look.
Whilst you are being an exhibitionist and/or plastering your face with makeup you aren’t dealing with what the real causes of your insecurity are, and on some level it’s a self-sabotage because you always attract the wrong men. I work with people to empower them and feel confident and secure with who they are as individuals and then they attract the right kind of men/women and their dating life falls into place.
If you need clothes and make up to feel confident, it’s not genuine confidence. Genuine confidence comes with knowing who you are and accepting who you are, and most importantly feeling good and worthy enough then you attract the right people into your life for fulfilling relationships.
The people we attract into our life we have to take full responsibility for, so if you find yourself thinking ‘I always attract the wrong kind of man/woman’ then you need to look inside for the answers.