A couple of my Twitter followers inspired me to write this post after a debate on equality in relationships.
When I asked one how he defined equality in relationships this was Marts45 response:
…’not sure what you mean, all things should be equal, from who does the washing up to who goes on top in sex, to last it must ½’
Whilst I appreciate it’s difficult to express views in detail in 140 characters. I found this an interesting summary.
What if a guy likes being on top for sex always and his wife doesn’t like it at all? Should they force equality even though they are both happy doing what they enjoy?
I think nowadays we are obsessed by equality; and it’s not realistic in many situations.
This also assumes everyone wants equality. Is equality only based on doing equal ‘chores’? Could equality be based on equal satisfaction? Equal happiness? Equal compromise? Equal commitment?
He better clarified his views here: ‘I guess what I really believe in is a happy medium of shared fun, chores, entertaining and most importantly decisions!’
How about the person who is committed to looking after their other half whose partner is physically or mentally unable to offer them much if anything in return? They do it because they made a commitment to that person and hope that if the boot was on the other foot they would offer the same care.
Is it wrong for an elderly man or woman to marry someone much younger and offer them a life style in exchange for companionship? If both are happy and feel fulfilled in their own way?
When I worked as an escort I had many people think I was ripping guys off, and I never understood this.
Any relationship business or otherwise is a trade off of sorts, everyone has to get something out of it and what that thing is varies from person to person.
For example if you are caring for someone ill, you may be someone that gets satisfaction from caring and the person gets satisfaction from being cared for.
The gentlemen I saw when I was escorting were very happy with the service they received from me. They paid to be seen with me to take me out, and wine and dine me. That gave them pleasure and satisfaction, and I made them feel good, in exchange I got paid and enjoyed good company and food. Everyone’s a winner so why is anyone short-changed? We offered each other different things but the arrangement was mutually satisfying.
Another Twitter follower Muddyrunster said tongue in cheek that women should be able to do ‘man jobs’ sort cars out and equal jobs decorating.
If a lady loves painting and her other half doesn’t… why shouldn’t she do all of it, if it’s feasible and him do another job? Do the jobs have to take the same amount of time? Or would that be unfair?
When I asked how about a woman baked, made tea and teetered around in high heels looking pretty whilst he painted, he decided he might let her off painting the skirting boards! Lol 🙂
I realize that this is all light-hearted banter, but my point is this… it’s about everyone feeling happy with whatever arrangement is made. It’s not about both people doing everything.
Isn’t it more interesting if we can all offer different qualities to a relationship and different skills?
Men and women aren’t equal; we are different! As Jim Davidson pointed out recently in CBB Yes men can still do ‘women’s jobs’ and visa versa but the truth is we are not only physically different we are mentally different, hence there are jobs more suited to men than women and visa versa. Fact!
Women now are realizing that pushing for equality and being fiercely independent is confusing men – they are unsure of their role and then metro-sexuals evolved in the last decade (who I would describe as ‘straight gay men’) and many women are struggling to feel sexual attraction towards them. The lines became blurred.
However now women realize that men need to feel that they have a purpose and a place and are toning down their independence to a level that allows space for men, to allow compromise, and it’s Alpha men that are back in the game and the up and coming trend for 2014. Big Brothers winner Jim Davison, who turned Alpha female Luisa Zuissman around to liking him, highlighted this.
Women want an assertive and confident man who will take control of situations when the need arises.
In most of the animal kingdom the male is still the provider and I don’t think that men that want to fulfill this role should have to step back. It’s a matter of finding a partner with equal values.
If a woman wants to be provided for she shouldn’t feel shame to find a provider in turn the trade off is often stay at home mum and/or home keeper. It doesn’t suit everyone however what is so wrong with this if both are ‘equally’ satisfied with their roles?