This evenings repeat of Dinner Date inspired this blog post.
I know dating is nerve racking for everyone involved however both parties do need to make an effort to try and build rapport. I appreciate that for some it comes very naturally, but others not so. The problem with those that find it difficult is that they are too focused on themselves and how they are feeling, and worrying about saying or doing the wrong thing, that they make their date feel incredibly uncomfortable. There is no excuse for awkward silences.
So my dating advice is to switch things and make it your mission to make your date feel comfortable.
I do believe that this is more challenging when you are in someones home and not both on neutral territory.
My 12 Tips to building Comfort on a First Date
1) Do some relaxation/confidence building exercises before your date – try You Tube for a whole host of powerful exercises, meditations and self hypnosis
2) Nerves feel the same as excitement with regards to how the body responds physiologically, so try and focus on a feeling of excitement and remember that the person you are with may just be as nervous but be better at disguising it!
3) Be warm, open and friendly when you greet your date
4) Gauge how they are feeing: anxious, nervous, excitable and adapt to put them at ease if needs be, by taking the lead. Be aware throughout the date focus on their feelings and not your own
5) Keep conversation light and talk about things in the present, ask about their journey and day; talk about yours
6) If you can start banter and get your date laughing it will break the ice and help build rapport
7) Move on to try and find common interests – films, bands, holidays etc…
8) To avoid awkward silences, have back up questions planned for if you feel the conversation is about to dry up. It could be the “what 3 things would you take to a desert island and why?” You can Google interesting questions for more ideas
9) Always leave on a high so that your date is left with a positive memory of you rather than allowing the date to fizzle out
10) Avoid talk of politics, religion, ex’s and other subjects that evoke strong opinions. A first date should always be light hearted and fun
11) Any food where you both get involved and share is a good way to help build connection, so tapas, meze, Raclette Grill, picnic are all recommended sharing food experiences
12) Don’t talk too much. Be sure to ask questions and do more listening than talking. Showing an interest in your date will allow them to feel you are genuinely interested in them