05 Mar Defining Relationships
This blog post is inspired by an exciting debate last night with Chelsea Krost about ‘Defining Relationships’. These questions amongst other were asked. Opinions in 140 characters are challenging so I’d like to explore them further here on my blog….
1) Lets start by talking about the HOOK UP CULTURE…is this a Myth?
Wikipedia defines this as someone ‘that accepts and encourages casual sexual encounters focused on physical pleasure without necessarily including emotional bonding’.
I don’t believe this is a myth many people do this unconsciously when they have been hurt and want to avoid being hurt again. Others don’t want to get attached to someone out of fear; fear of losing themselves, fear of becoming dependent on another person amongst many other things.
Society now is very much a culture of instant gratification. This has been magnified through technology and all the instant porn and live webcams that are available at the touch of a button. The Internet increased the accessibility of escorts. There are websites that encourage promiscuity and infidelity such as nostringsaffairs, heatedaffairs, boredhousewives.
2) What defines cheating?
Everyone has a different opinion on what constitutes as cheating however I wonder how often it is discussed prior to people committing to a monogamous relationship?
My personal opinion is any sexual physical contact passionate kissing (not the standard ‘greet’ kiss), groping. Webcams (personal shows), sex chat lines, escorts (even if you don’t have penetrative sex!).
Cheats will find a way to justify their actions to minimise guilt. A client of mine who was considering proposing to his partner of 6 years recently told me that he hadn’t been unfaithful although he frequently indulged in mutual masturbation with naked women!
3) How can we commit w/o losing our individuality?
Yes the key is to have individual interests and keep existing friends, even the single ones! Couples tend to focus on doing things with other couples. Don’t forget your single friends you never know when you might need them!
It’s not healthy to spend all of your time outside of work with your other half, it’s important to get a balance, this helps avoid either one or both parties becoming co-dependent.
4) Is flirting okay or is it considered cheating? Where do we draw the line?
My personal opinion is if the intention of flirting is to eventually cheat then it is wrong, as it is if you begin to consider crossing the boundary into sexual physical contact and kissing. I flirt men and women and am naturally a flirty person. Not all people who flirt are cheats.
5) Why are relationships so disposable among Millennials?
People are lazy and impatient. The faster technology becomes with everyone getting things instantly messaging, emails, online shopping everyone wants the easy option and working at a relationship is deemed too much hard work. Another example of this is, those who take the quick fix of a gastric band instead of working hard at changing their lifestyle.
On the positive side I think also we are less tolerable of toxic relationships. Generations previously have kept quiet about physical and mental abuse, so although it’s admirable they worked harder at the relationships there needed to be a balance of the two – working hard at the relationship, whilst keeping their self-respect.
However it wasn’t possible for women to leave many years ago because they were mostly unskilled housewives, who didn’t have the money to live if they left their relationship/marriage, and it was also deemed socially unacceptable to walk away from your marriage.