To follow on from my last post…. Love him or hate him he’s a winner with the ladies so lets look at Russell Brand for an example.
Turn the sound down on this video to watch his physiology and see how much you can notice without listening to his words, because even if you copy his words it would mean nothing, it’s the body language and physiology that is powerfully building the attraction with this lady.
1) notice how he’s smiling and relaxed, his shoulders are back and low
2) he has a ‘slight’ air of arrogance which is appealing to a lot of women because it shows assertiveness
3) He’s looking intently at every person he is speaking to
4) His face is expressive
5) He’s leaning in to engage and build rapport
6) He starts off shoulders back and low then as he builds rapport (connection) he moves and leans in. Then once rapport is established he’s on his feet and behind the lady, touching her appropriately. Being behind her and touching her shoulders is a protective gesture.
7) His touch is dominant but tender (zillion brownie points for this) he knows it’s ok to touch her because he’s watching her face for any signs of discomfort, and she’s not even flinching – she’s relaxed and smiling
8) All movements he makes are direct and his gestures pronounced. It almost looks as though he is painting a big picture with his hands and visualising things because he’s looking at his hands. Creating scenes and getting women to use their imagination and painting idyllic pictures is a great way to build rapport.
What he did there was a very powerful, lets look at his rapport building techniques. Being comfortable talking to women is about getting on the same wavelength as them, and making them want you, rather than focussing on you wanting them.
So lets break it down step-by-step. It’s a gradual process but takes him all of 5 minutes…
1) he takes a second to compose himself – a deep breath to reaffirm his confidence and to ground himself.
2) He’s talking to the lady and facing her but he’s a little dismissive, he isn’t trying to get her full attention straight and actually ignores her as she walks past away then…
3) He leans in and turns his chair
4) As he builds connection he leans in further and pulls her hand into his in a dominant way. This is only done because he has seen that he has built rapport. She’s laughing and relaxed.
5) He swiftly stands on the chair, almost ‘king like’ It’s a very alpha male thing to do, it’s showing his confidence and superiority, almost like male animals do when they perform to attract females.
6) He puts both his hands on her shoulders and moves around her. This is a very protective gesture, and it’s endearing
7) He intimately moves her hair and almost looks like he’s whispering sweet nothings to her. You can tell she’s going weak at the knees
8) He then uses the push/pull technique by then moving away and purposefully breaking the rapport suddenly. even without sound you can almost feel the sudden break. If you look very closely you see just the corner of her face and it completely fell when he jumped up and moved away. If you have rapport then this is a very powerful technique, because then the person want you more
And that is how the Lothario Russell Brand works his magic 🙂
If you’re a woman, the key is to make yourself approachable. According to nationally-respected body language expert and professional speaker, Patti Wood, you want to make yourself a “safe” (read approachable) target. How do you accomplish that? Don’t take up a lot of space (which is a sign of power and superiority.) Wood says, “we are strong women, but remember, we’re trying to get a man to come over and talk to us.” She explains, “you have to show you have room for someone else in your life.”
In addition, Wood says “to be very approachable women should stand with their feet no farther than 6 inches apart with toes pointed slightly inward. ” Other key moves, the nod and the head tilt – signal you’re listening to what the other person has to say.
For men, appearing more dominant effectively draws the attraction of women. To attract women, stand with your feet 6-10 inches apart, and toes pointing outward. Feel free to take up some space. For men who are victims of the “nice guy” badge, or who appear to be too submissive to attract women, try taking your Y chromosome out for a spin. According to Mehrabian, men should “try wearing bulkier or more conservative hairstyles or clothing,” hold your head up, and speed up your speech and gestures to be more assertive.