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Do you do the 3 day rule? Message her straight away? It’s a minefield! Lol no, seriously, if the connection is there you shouldn’t be playing games.

I think to message someone within 24 hours of having their number, shows assertiveness and genuine interest. If that puts someone off, then chances are they are the game playing type, and is that what you really want?

My girlfriends top ‘bug bears’ when people take their number is the text message, ‘is it ok to call?’ Or ‘when is it convenient to call?

Guys think they are being considerate but actually they are being indecisive and it show lack of assertiveness.

Also most people are extremely busy so to have to think about a day and time to speak can be difficult. For example my friend has a 3 year old, so she had one guy asking her when he could call and she just couldn’t tell him. It was a matter of him just calling and if it were inconvenient for her to speak she would call him back.

What do you think will happen if you call and it’s a bad time? You will get her answer machine. So you leave a message, always, always leave a message, so she can hear your voice, but if you really can’t bear to, this is the alternative…

You don’t repeatedly ring hoping to catch her at a good time (that’s ‘stalker like’ and impatient), you send her a text message to say ‘hey just tried to call, give me a call when you’re free, or drop me a text and I’ll call you back. Then you leave it. If she doesn’t reply, she’s not interested. So no matter how many calls/texts you make you won’t get anywhere, and will only make yourself angry and frustrated. So just leave it, and think ‘her loss’.

So if/when you finally get to speak to her and the connection is still there (you will be able to tell if she is laughing/smiling, warm and comfortable/nervous talking to you by her voice) you’ve asked her about her day and made some chit chat this is where you can step into your assertive alpha male role (she’s speaking to you, so she’s interested, so no need to fear rejection) and you can ask her if she would like to go out. If you ask about a certain date initially, and she’s busy then ask her when is best for her in the next couple of weeks.

If she says she’s busy and can’t plan anything right now, then that’s a brush off, because if you really want to see someone you will say, ‘I have a couple of really busy weeks right now, but I would like to see you, can we arrange something for x week?’

Also it’s very rare that someone is that busy unless they are away or working away. We all have the same amount of hours in the day and we choose where to allocate those hours, so if she’s leaving it a long time and isn’t away or working away, it could indicate a lack of interest.

Anyhow, once she says yes, you need to have thought in your head where to take her. You don’t say ‘What would you like to do?’ Yes it can be taken as thoughtful, but maybe wrongly it can also be taken as the guy is weak (mentally i.e. a ‘wet blanket’ my dad would say :), indecisive and lazy. You don’t also want to be pushing her towards having Chinese food when she hates it!

Remember how women like assertive, confident men this is where you can showcase your leadership skills. A woman is looking at where you think it’s appropriate to take her, so it’s worth putting careful thought into it.

So what I am suggesting is that you have ideas but are also flexible. So the conversation could go something like this…

So how do you fancy dinner? I know this fantastic Italian restaurant I’d love to take you to, or if you fancied something more relaxed there’s a great film on at the cinema that we could go and watch, or I’m very happy to see a film of your choice.’

Always have your back up ideas thought out, so if she doesn’t like Italian, you can make other suggestions for restaurants or wherever. If she says no to everything you suggest, here’s a warning sign for lack of compatibility.

Whatever you do make sure its booked and organized. You will get big brownie points for planning ahead.

Part 2 coming soon….

You can arrange your time with me here: http://www.rebeccadakin.com/ask-rebecca/dating-advice/men/consultation/