27 Feb Dating Advice: Can I Kiss You?
Can I kiss you?
You don’t ask you just do, when the mutual chemistry and desire is there. And if you get rejected – it’s her loss!
This blog has been inspired by one of my girlfriends. She had been on a few dates with this guy and wasn’t sure if she fancied him but knew there was something there. He dropped a few hints about being invited in for coffee and eventually because he wasn’t sure how she felt he asked her if he could kiss her. This immediately killed the moment, and any spontaneity and made my friend feel uncomfortable. She mumbled a ‘no’ because she was so embarrassed, then he said, “Can I at least have a hug?” Awkward!
She admitted that if he had been assertive enough to just go for it, she would have kissed him.
To ask for permission means that you obviously don’t think it’s the right time.
Guys you might think you’re coming across as ‘caring about her feelings’ and not wanting to ‘make her feel uncomfortable’ but it’s the opposite it makes someone feel uncomfortable and you come across as though you are unsure of yourself, unconfident, weak, fearful (of rejection); none of which are attractive to women.
Women want a guy who isn’t fearful of rejection. Women respect a man that takes rejection well. They want an assertive alpha male on some level.
So you go in for the kiss and get rejected it’s how you handle it from there, which will determine how you feel about yourself afterwards.
What do you do if she rejects the kiss? Remember that you are of value as a person and a man, and it’s her loss, not yours. If you don’t believe it it’s imperative you work on your confidence.
You don’t need to be good looking to be confident because confidence is a mind set. I know plenty of guys that don’t have the looks but have the confidence and you know what? They are successful with women, and very attractive women too.
I’ll teach you a little trick I used to do at school, which is quite mean, but it will be sure to leave you the one on top.
I used to sit next to the guys on the bus at school, get right on into their personal space, and I’d look into their eyes as if I was going to kiss them then I’d move right in there close to their face but at the same time they swiveled their head to turn away and avoid my kiss I’d say, “ you have a bit of fluff on your shoulder”, whilst picking the imaginary bit of fluff off and then I’d follow it by saying with a light laugh, “you didn’t think I was going to kiss you did you?” And completely change the subject. They then used to feel a bit daft.
Joking apart so how do you minimize rejection anyway?
Firstly stop focusing on what you want and your desires and put all your focus on her and how she is feeling. Otherwise you may be so focused on you that you miss the signs of rapport and connection.
How do you know when the time is right to kiss?
Well your lady will be close to you, trying to keep or make body contact (touch of the arm/legs touching), she may be cocking her head to one side, and fiddling with her hair, these are all flirting techniques. Is she picking imaginary fluff off you? Finding any excuse to touch you? She’ll be looking at your lips when you are talking, possibly biting her own lower lip. There will be lots of eye contact and she may look at you from under her lashes in a seductive way. If you lean into kiss and she leans in too chances, she’s mirroring you and wants to kiss. If she moves her head away when you lean in, even when you’re not attempting to kiss then she’s not interested. Obviously if you’re in a loud bar she’ll have to lean in to hear you, so make sure you’re somewhere quiet!
Some ladies are very flirty by nature and will give all of these signals to all guys, so watch out for these. Does the lady you want to kiss flirt with every guy if so chances are she’s not one to try and kiss.
But the key thing I want you to take away from this guys is don’t ask just do, when you feel that the time is right. If you’re questioning it you’re thinking too much and not concentrating on being aware of her body signals and chemistry. Just do it, and if you get rejected remember it is her loss! If you genuinely believe it, this will stop you from feeling bad. And you will always be on a high kiss or no kiss!