Are Assumptions Sabotaging Your Potential Relationships? - The Great British Sexpert - Rebecca Dakin
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Are Assumptions Sabotaging Your Potential Relationships?

19 Jun Are Assumptions Sabotaging Your Potential Relationships?

Posted at 09:32h in Dating, Relationships - Sex - Intimacy by

We all do it every day.

Someone…

– doesn’t answer our call or text straight away we assume they don’t want to speak to us.

–  doesn’t want to go on a second date and we assume we did something wrong.

–  takes our number but they didn’t call and we assume they didn’t really like us.

The thing is generally we don’t know what is going on in other people’s lives. Not everyone posts their full life and feelings on social media. People will only tell you what they want you to know.

I read a great quote the other day:

Everybody you meet is fighting their own battle. Be kind, always.

Here’s an example of how we can allow assumptions to knock our confidence.

The other day an attractive guy gave a flirty smile as he rode his bike past my friend and then turned around and came back and stopped to speak to her. He said he thought he knew her, but it transpired he didn’t. They never exchanged numbers and after a few minutes of conversation he carried on his ride.

As this was an attractive man my friend made a number of assumptions:

  1. He didn’t like the look of her up close
  2. He didn’t like the way she talked (he was very well spoken)
  3. He didn’t find her interesting enough

When we assume we are very internally focused because an its usually negative thoughts because of our own insecurities and lack of confidence. This doesn’t help our self-esteem.

So if you’re going to make assumptions why not make them positive?

 

  1. He genuinely thought he knew her, but on closer inspection realized he didn’t so felt embarrassed
  2. Once he stopped to chat he felt shy and didn’t know what to say
  3. He was in a relationship and once he impulsively stopped, he felt guilty so made a swift exit

The top 3 scenarios are focusing on her, the next 3 scenarios are all about him.

To keep our confidence intact and to build it, especially with dating and our relationships with friends; it’s good to not assume things are always about us, when people don’t meet up to our expectations or we feel rejection.