29 Aug Agony Aunt Bea….
Reference Graham Norton, Telegraph weekend Saturday August 28th…..
‘I really fancy a girl at work but she is engaged. We’ve been out for drinks few times with other colleagues and have got on really well. I think there might well be some chemistry between us. She forwarded me a funny email the other day, and we had a good chat when we were at the coffee bar. Recently I won a flight for two on the London Eye in a competition and I am considering asking her to come with me, do you think it’s a good idea? I don’t have anyone else to invite so think I might as well risk it, and who knows, she might just decide she likes me more than her fiancee.’
James T London.
Agony Aunt Bea says…..
Geez purlease!!! What on earth are you thinking? The word ‘delusional’ springs to mind. Trust me us women hate the fact we can’t even be nice to a guy or smile at him without him thinking we fancy them. It’s incredibly irritating. You need to learn that every women that is friendly towards you, I’m sorry to say, isn’t after your body! How drinking with her and other colleagues can be misinterpreted as something more personal and intimate than that I have no idea? This wasn’t a cosy drink with you and her, you were both with colleagues, and even if it was on a couple of occasions just the two of you, I really wouldn’t read anything else into it, other than she was being friendly. Do you think the other guys/colleagues that chatted to her those evenings were thinking the same as you – that she fancied them? Next point…. she forwarded you a funny email. You think that she didn’t forward it to any of her other colleagues? You chatted at the coffee bar? Oh Lordy! It’s a concern you say you haven’t anyone to ask for your trip on the Eye, I suggest that it might be good to put your energies into forming and building friendships rather than lusting over unavailable women. She clearly ‘likes’ you, but as a friend, so don’t embarrass yourself or her by jumping in feet first, because you will spoil the friendship you have with her. Women nowadays are very assertive and trust me if a woman likes you, she will let you know. I don’t know how old you are but I would suggest building friendships should definitely take priority over women. You seem to be on the right track already though – socializing with your colleagues after work. I suggest you start talking to the others in your group to form other friendships, rather than focussing all your time on her. If you learn the skills to start building friendships, the women/girlfriends will follow ;-p I keep harping on about this book, but I really do think everyone should read it…. ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ by Dale Carnagie. Good luck….
‘My 15 year old daughter has put on quite a bit of weight recently, so much so that her clothes are becoming unflattering. I think it’s probably stress about her exams that has caused her to comfort eat. The divorce I am currently going through with her father might also have something to do with it. I don’t think she’s yet noticed the extra fat and the last thing I want to do is turn her into an anorexic by mentioning it. But I do think I should do something, otherwise I fear she will start getting teased by the boys at her school.’
Linda J, Derbyshire
Agony Aunt Bea says…..
Trust me your daughter will have noticed her extra pounds. She’s a 15 year old so will be acutely aware of any changes in her body. I would imagine that you’re right when you say the exams and divorce could be the catalyst for her extra weight gain. We all know divorce is very traumatic for children, and it’s important that you and your soon to be ex husband show a united front, remain civil and friendly towards each other and keep individually reminding her how much she is loved by both of you. Is she having to make a choice who to live with? This can sometimes be upsetting for children. Even if they are being given a choice and both parents say they don’t mind, they can carry a hell of a lot of guilt and feel an enormous amount of pressure. You don’t say if you have a good relationship with your daughter. I think it’s important she knows that she can talk to you about anything that’s on her mind. How about arranging a pamper day for the two of you? And see if she opens up about how she feels when she is in a one to one relaxed atmosphere. Definitely you need to taker her out as soon as possible for a girlie shop if her clothes don’t fit.
With regards to her weight I don’t know what she’s eating at home, but one way to help would be to make sure there’s no snacks kept in the house, and that she has a sensible breakfast and well balanced evening meal. If there usually are treats and she asks why there aren’t any anymore, you can explain that you yourself are trying to be more healthy and want everyone to get involved.
Healthy eating also has to be supported by a certain amount of exercise, so it would be good to encourage her and try to get her involved with some sort of sport – swimming, badminton or even something fun like street dance. You can suggest it’s not for weight loss, but that it would be good for her to have some release from the pressure of exams etc… and either try to find out when her friends are around if there’s any sports/classes they do that she could get involved with too, or if you have time, to do something with her. I’ve been doing the martial art of Aikido for 5 years now and am training for my black belt. It has completely changed my life. I am more positive as a person, more confident and the discipline and continuity of my classes has been invaluable to my well being over the past 5 years. I can’t express enough how positively it has changed my life. If you suspect your daughter may get bullied, then this sort of thing would be perfect for her. Not so she can go round beating people up that bully her, but so that she has the confidence to stand up to people, and in Aikido (Harmony) we learn to try and diffuse a situation verbally and stay calm, with defense when attacked and disabling someone – as a very last resort. I hope this helps…
‘I’m turning into a grumpy old bag and I can’t help myself. I keep losing my temper unnecessarily in Tesco. Last week my wrath was directed at the girl at the till who was talking inanely to her colleague rather than utting through my groceries (I was in a hurry). I called her an unrepeatable name and childishly threw a bag of peas at the floor. Today a greasy looking youth got in my way as I was making my way down an isle. He was too busy listening to his MP3 player to notice where he was going so I got my revenge and purposely ran over his foot with my trolley. Is there anything I can do to prevent these outbursts or can I expect them to get worse?
Pru, Devon’
Agony aunt Bea says….
That’s nothing! I got in an articulated lorry the other day and started up the engine in an attempt to move it from blocking my drive, so I could get my car out when an ignorant driver ignored my polite request to get out!!! Haha 🙂 http://www.thegirlfriendexperience.tv/2010/07/road-rage/ We all have these outbursts. ‘The youngsters of today’ have no manners, and are completely selfish and inconsiderate 🙂 I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. I have to say though if I’d have seen you shout a name at the till lady and throw peas on the floor I’d have been howling with laughter! You don’t want to be making a spectacle of yourself you want to be making a spectacle of the offending, ignorant person. I’d have probably done the same in the MP3 situation, and it would have made me smile to run over his foot! Lol. How do you stop them? Hmmmm … as soon as something irritates you, take a moment rather than reacting immediately, try to think what you are going to say/do, and how it will make you look to other around you and what your outburst will achieve. A few deep breaths and then do what you thinks best. Be aware though if you are wanting something from people when you do this, because your little outburst could then make them become as awkward as possible to get their own back. One of my ex’es works for the council; if members of the public are polite to him, he’s polite and accommodating back if they’re rude, he’s rude back and an awkward stubborn, bugger!
I too get very irritated especially on the road (as you can see 🙂 and in supermarkets. I was in a similar situation to you the other day in the supermarket…. I just looked up at the till lady and asked politely if the till was open, then the colleague she was chatting to just disappeared. Simples ;-p
……..It may of course just be that Tesco’s brings out the worst in you… how about trying Asda?