04 Jul Dating Advice – Fake It ‘Til You Make It
The other week I had an interview with Richard E Grant for a documentary for BBC Worldwide.
Now you probably think that I’m uber confident, well I am in some situations and not in others – like many people. You might be able to speak to a boardroom full of people, but then not to a lady you spot in a bar that you like.
For me TV is scary! I actually worry that I will be thinking so much about what to say that I will forget my own name! I worry about if I will get my words out, how I will come across, if I look natural, if nerves will mean I mess it up, how I look…. basically similar fears to you guys who fear approaching women.
To give you an example of how big my fears can be (before I figured out this little technique), you might want to check out this blog post – http://www.thegirlfriendexperience.tv/
So what do I do if I have a live interview or filming?
This may seem silly but it works if you do it well. You have to have a vivid imagination for this little technique. If you don’t you can either learn to or if you have time maybe try some acting classes 🙂
Remember how I often refer to Buddha’s quote, ‘Our life is a creation of our mind’, well, I’m going to keep harping on about it, because it is so pertinent. It literally is true. So whoever you want to be you need to create it in your mind, and imagine that you are that person. This isn’t about being a fake person; it’s about getting in the right mindset for a particular positive result.
When I was on This Morning, I decided I was going to be Katie Price. Why? Because she is super confident, doesn’t give a shit what people think, isn’t phazed by interviews, doesn’t care if she says the wrong thing or how she comes across, she just gets on with it.
So as I was waiting in the green room, I was thinking ‘I’m Katie Price, I’m Katie Price’ and I was imagining how she would feel sitting there – for her TV and interviews is pretty much a daily occurrence. Jenni Falconer was there as was Alison Hammond, and I just started chit chatting, by the time I sat on the sofa with Ruth and Eammon it was a breeze. I was relaxed and comfortable and came across confident and self-assured, but I had to engineer that situation.
When I had to be interviewed by Richard E Grant (who incidentally was/is a very charming fellow by the way) in a relatively small room with lots of camera crew, I did a similar technique on the way to my filming destination. When I arrived I went into roll, and had great fun chatting to the make up artist like it was the most natural thing in the world to be sitting there, and by the time we started filming I was completely relaxed. Richard was a great interviewer and afterwards I was complimented on how I came across.
So lets break it down what I did –
1) I picked my high profile figure I wanted the skills of (it’s better that’s it’s someone you see a lot of) you don’t even need to like them, you just desire their skill set
2) I imagined that I was them, and that I had the skills that they had and was going to feel how they would feel in the situation I was in
3) I spoke to everyone I encountered before my ‘scary’ experience, and made sure I was well liked by everyone I spoke to, by being friendly, fun, interesting and interested, which helped me relax further
4) When I finally got to my interview I was already in my role, thinking positive thoughts and was able to truly be myself, whilst honing in and using confidence that I manifested through imagining I was someone else
So how can you adapt this to dating? Well the obvious one is – approaching women.
So you look at someone who is confident with women… Russell Brand always springs to mind 🙂 See my post here… http://www.rebeccadakin.com/russell-brand-building-sexual-attraction-in-5-minutes/
So what would Russell say/do if he saw a women he liked?
He’d be over like a shot and coming out with some cheeky one liners. And what would he do if he got knocked back? Do you think it would bother him? Nah. He’d think, ‘her loss’ and move on to the next. But remember he would be chatting to lots of people.
So for example –
1) Ok so we’re going with Russell B for e.g. he’s confident, funny, doesn’t give a shit, charming, quirky, entertaining
2) So you try and put yourself literally in his shoes and hone his skills – watch your chosen guy on You Tube, to really feel your role. I’m not suggesting that you try and be funny like him if thats not in your nature – but it’s his attitude and how he would feel in the situation you are in, that you want to focus on
3) When you go out you chat to the bar staff, you chat to some guys and girls, guys in the loos, literally anyone who you encounter you speak to – it’s your warm up. You’re not just stood at the side with your mate eyeing up talent, you’re engaging with people, not limiting yourself to only talking to ‘hot chicks’
4) You’ve already ‘made friends’ so to speak and when the hot woman walks in, you have already made an impression on people in the bar, so when you reach the bar again, you catch the eye of the waiter that served you before and he gives you the nod, there’s a couple of girls that you chatted to earlier also at the bar so you make small talk with them too – and here’s you in Hotties eyes, you seem to know everyone – Mr Popular. You have just DHV’d her (demonstrated higher value). She’s noticed you because you seemingly know everyone, so you talking to her she doesn’t feel like she’s been targeted, because you’re chatting to everyone! And if she doesn’t respond, think like Russell Brand and remember – ‘her loss’ There’s plenty more fish in the sea.
Fake it til you make it 😉
See what you think about how I came across on This Morning here –