09 Feb Dating tips for men – Be Assertive. Powerful Technique to Build confidence Approaching Women
I don’t know how many of you watch The Apprentice? I know you guys in the US may not be familiar with the show, but I want to share a powerful technique that someone used on there to collect women as potential customers for a ‘beauticians task’.
In a nutshell, (for those that don’t know), The Apprentice is a bunch of people that are split into two groups and given a business task. With their team they have to create a business and make the most money to win the task and get a reward. Bear with me on this…
This particular task was they had to set up a beauty parlour. In a busy shopping center one of the guys had to find clientele for the beauty shop. Being a bloke he was very unenthusiastic about the task, until he found a really cool technique that he repeatedly used to draw women into the beauticians – thus making his team the most money.
What’s this got to do with dating? I hear you thinking. Well let me explain what he did. He went up to women and said “put your little finger out”, which every woman did, and then he put his finger out and linked them together, he then led them silently by their finger to the shop.
Why did this work? Let me explain –
Because he was confident, he didn’t ask a question, he didn’t waffle, it was a direct order, he assumed they would follow and they did. The reason why so many guys fail is they are too nervous about rejection – Don’t give people the opportunity to say no; don’t ask a closed question and don’t waffle.
Instead of “would you like to go for a coffee some time?” How about “I’m going for a coffee, come join me”, whilst you say this you are actually confidently walking with purpose, in the direction of a coffee shop and you turn your back straight away for at least a couple of seconds, you are assuming they will be following, and when you do turn round it’s as if to say ‘come on then’. You have assumed that no is not an option. N.B. this isn’t something to do when you approach a woman it’s something you do when you have made some very basic conversation and/or have built rapport. This is assertiveness and this is what many people respond to. We do follow direct instruction, subconsciously. We see a red light we know we have to stop, we see a lollypop lady in the road and we know we need to stop.
What would happen if you went up to someone in the street, stood in front of them, looked them in the eye and randomly said, “stop”? They would actually stop at least for a second. It would catch someone completely off guard initially so they follow the instruction. Ok they might think you were a complete weirdo, but it works. If you were to go to the same person and be a little sheepish, as though you were pestering them, and said meekly “excuse me would you mind stopping?”, people would look at you strangely and many would carry on walking.
Assertiveness goes a long way and particularly women respond to it, because it’s what women want, it’s one of the qualities we look for in a guy. I’m not saying you will pull every time with this, but why not experiment with some people and see how they respond to direct instruction.
Try it with your mates at work (male or female) in the canteen when you go to sit down you pull a chair out for one of them, and say something like “there you go” or “have a seat”. Nine times out of ten they will sit in the chair you have pulled out. Or it could be in the bar, you say to a mate, “you get the drinks in, I’m just going to the gents”. It depends how bold you want to be, but you can have some fun with it. Before you test it out on women you are attracted to, try it on some female friends, see what you can get them to do without them realizing that they are following your order.
This is a powerful technique that will help you build your confidence for approaching women.
When you do try it out on women you are attracted to you can try things like, “I’ll get this”, if you’re at the bar and a lady you like has her money out and is about to hand it to the bar man. Don’t look at her as if you are going to loiter around (and don’t get too close in her personal space); look at her initially in a friendly way, as you say it, but hand over the money. She’s straight away going to think ‘what does this guy want?’ But you catch her off guard because you seemingly want nothing.
There is minimal talk just a gesture of buying a drink; then you say, “have a nice day/evening” and if you’re bold enough. “You look stunning, I’m over there come and join me/us”, as you walk away, assuming the follow. If she doesn’t join you, it’s no biggie, but you will have definitely made a powerful, positive impression on her and she will remember you. The thing is not to take it personally and get your back up and/or be rude if she doesn’t join you (you don’t know her personal circumstances), just politely say goodbye as you leave the bar, knowing you have made some ladies day.
Random Apprentice clip here that’s mildy amusing: