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Me (health supplement In The Sun) reported at the weekend that there is a study that suggesting women fake orgasm for one of five reasons. These are:

– Avoiding anxiety
– She fakes it to increase her own arousal
– To bring sex to an end
– She’s afraid of looking abnormal

I don’t agree with Fay Weldons view that women should fake orgasm. Sadly women that frequently fake orgasm don’t do the rest of us ladies any favours because it leads men into a false sense of achievement.

Any guy who says that his partners always orgasm has been made delusional by women.

My opinion as a Sexpert has always been, with the nicest intentions, ‘why fake it? Because he will stop trying!’

You have to bear in mind that 80% of women cannot orgasm through penetration alone. There are also many women who are yet to experience their first. There is nothing ‘normal’ about the female orgasm. For many couples it takes time, patience, understanding and communication.

What men should also consider is that many women enjoy the pleasures of intimacy and are satisfied sexually without orgasm. Good sex is all about exploration and creating pleasurable sensations for both people which may or may not end in orgasm.

Often both parties put too much pressure on themselves – the guy wants to please his woman and she feels pressure for it to happen and then it doesn’t so she fakes it, so as not to hurt his pride. This ensures an endless vicious cycle with both people frustrated and unsatisfied.

Many men feel their sexual prowess is linked to their worthiness.  So when they suffer from sexual problems such as premature ejaculation and impotence, many avoid intimacy with their partner because they feel they can’t satisfy her so they avoid sexual contact.

There is a misconception that men with larger penises are better in bed and can satisfy women better than those with average or small sized penises. In many cases this is the opposite. The most sensitive area inside a woman is about 3 inches up and is known as the G spot. Therefore there is no reason why a man with a 3” penis could not satisfy a woman. Granted there are women that prefer larger men (usually those that orgasm through stimulation at the top of the vaginal canal near the cervix), however they are not the majority.

Women can have many types of orgasm, there are 11 ways altogether, including the amazing ‘mental orgasm,’ where no touch is necessary! It’s all about thinking erotic thoughts and encouraging feelings down below. Women orgasm when they create a powerful connection from their mind to their vagina. The powerful sexual feelings you get when dreaming of sex are testimony to the power of the mind.

The different types of orgasm that have been reported are as follows:

1)   The Clitoral Orgasm

2)   The Vaginal Orgasm

3)   The G Spot Orgasm

4)   The Mental Orgasm

5)   The Breast Orgasm

6)   The Squirting Orgasm (Ejaculation)

7)   The Deep Spot Orgasm

8)   The A Spot Orgasm

9)   The Skin Orgasm

10) The Oral Orgasm

11)  The U Spot Orgasm

To clarify but a few – the clitoral orgasm, is a result of direct stimulation on the clitoris and can be achieved by oral sex, fingers, toys or penetrative sex (for many women being ‘on top’ is favored), the G Spot orgasm (a sweet spot 3 inches inside the front vagina wall) which can often result in female ejaculation known as ‘squirting’, and then there is the orgasm which is a result of stimulation close to the cervix (The Deep Spot Orgasm). Not every woman can experience all types of orgasm, and stimulation of the orgasmic areas may or may not be pleasurable and differs from person to person.

It’s a real shame that women feel they want to fake orgasms, because faking it for the reasons above (aside from increasing arousal) means that they aren’t having fulfilling sex on an emotional as well as a physical level.

5 Things to do instead of Faking it:

1)   Communicate with your partner and guide him in a sensitive way on how he can increase your pleasure. Be sure to give him plenty of encouragement when he gets it right.

2)   Stop worrying! Enjoy the journey not the destination. Don’t expect to orgasm, just relax and savour pleasurable feelings and touch. Let your man know that you just want to enjoy the sexual sensations he is creating for you, rather than orgasm. If neither of you expect it, it might catch you by surprise!

3)   Explore the different areas that are known to induce orgasm, and find what works for you. There is plenty of information on the Internet.

4)   Increase foreplay (women generally need at least 20 minutes) and make sure you are fully aroused before intercourse. Sometimes enjoy intimacy without penetration through touch and massage.

5)   Connect mentally with your partner and learn how to ‘get in the mood’ for intimacy, so sex isn’t a chore. See my Huffington blog post here… http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rebecca-dakin/

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