Temporary video link for Uk viewers: http://www.itv.com/itvplayer/video/?Filter=314426
Please bear in mind that these are my views/thoughts and speculations based on the show Take Me Out The Gossip (the particular show link, I used for my reference is above). I don’t know any of these people personally, and these comments are based on an edited version of their dates.
7th April
David and Lucy:
This is a strange one, because although they are both stunning I just wouldn’t have paired them together, they just didn’t look like a suited couple. David said he likes his girls feisty and Lucy does have a mild aloofness that potentially hinted at someone with a feisty side.
From the start they were both open minded but the lack of connection seemed obvious, even though Lucy said it was one of the best dates she’d ever had, and said he was a true gentleman.
David attempted to ask Lucy what she saw in his future as she said she was a spiritualist, and she replied, ‘Nothing at the moment’. I wasn’t sure because of the editing, but it looked as though that conversation starter was killed there.
Sensing Lucy’s disinterest come evening time David makes the most of the night out and mixes and chatted to quite a lot of the other girls, and why not? No point in hanging around someone if they aren’t interested.
Zoe Hardman pointed out that it seemed they had come to a ‘stale mate’ with them both being models and neither wanting to chase the other, and they both agreed that this was the case.
On the plane David saw a different side to Lucy, I suspect that’s when she lowered her guard, away from the cameras and other prying eyes, and maybe for the first time he felt a connection with her. He did ask her out at that point, but she declined. I think Lucy may be wary of men and perhaps the sort of person that would take a while to trust someone and get to know them. And there’s nothing wrong with that, some people recklessly rush into things with seemingly anyone and everyone.
David was accused of being a womanizer but he’s an attractive, young, single man, so as Mark Wright pointed out – why the hell not?
Oba and Kirsten:
Kirsten was so sweet she cried when she got picked by Oba, but again I just didn’t think they suited as a couple from the offset.
Oba said he had butterflies when he met up with Kirsten on the Isle of Fernando’s, which to me was a sign that he is open and genuine and a ‘wear his heart on his sleeve’ type of guy. Their date was jet skiing.
There wasn’t a connection when they then sat down to eat, and Kirsten confessed her dislike and discomfort of eating in front of people. This is a shame because you’re pretty stuffed for future dates and dinner parties if you don’t like eating in front of people. But again it was something that increased the gulf forming between them and prevented them from building any rapport.
Oba realizing that this was not going well attempted to compliment Kirsten, but she was uncomfortable with compliments so poor lad didn’t know what to do for the best. I got a sense that she was a little shy, and she needed to be with the right person to bring her out of her shell.
She was expecting and hoping for some banter, but she just got ‘nice’, and ‘nice’ can be boring if it isn’t complimented with quick wit, spontaneity and a dynamic personality (and that’s not to say that Oba didn’t have any of these attributes).
Kirsten says that if someone is too nice she sees them as a friend, and that is basically the same for most women. This is why a lot of the guys who were metrosexual on the show ended up with their dates seeing them as ‘friends’.
She says ‘he’s not enough of a bad boy for me’. I know men don’t get the ‘bad boy’ thing, they think it’s very black and white – women don’t like nice guys they like bad boys – but this is not the case. There are lots of grey areas in between. In this previous post I endeavor to explain why women are attracted to bad boys (see link here).
Again they are both attractive young people so there’s no reason why either of them won’t have success finding the right person.
Tony and Lisa:
These two seemed to have some chemistry from the start, but this couple leave a me a bit baffled – it seemed there were mixed signals, and I wasn’t really sure how Tony felt. On one hand there was mutual attraction – he says Lisa made him laugh, and she planned to kiss him and other people saw their chemistry, he seemed open to see if anything happened, but on the other hand when Lisa pecked him a few times in the club, it didn’t seem that he responded in a way that indicated any interest. I don’t know if there were some barriers in place because he was worried about being hurt and/or showing his real feelings, possibly due to a past bad experience. It really isn’t clear what happened.
Lisa was concerned at the fact he got a tattoo in the spur of the moment on a stag do, and I have to say it would be a warning sign for other women too. It implies a lack of self-control to do reckless things when you’re drunk, and to date Tony, rightly or wrongly, some women may be concerned about him cheating for this reason.
Tony said he didn’t know if Lisa fancied him but from what we saw on the show – she was the one leaning in for kisses.
They arranged a date for back in the Uk and Tony canceled and they decided to be friends.
Good luck to them both.
And last but by far means not least – Disco Dave and Daniella:
This is a great couple to observe!
Here’s another guy that had potential but managed to end up in the friend zone – following the pattern of Jo and Greig (link) and Kenny and Becca (link).
They were both initially going in the right direction, because the sexual attraction was there on both sides – they are both super hot. Dave asserted himself in some areas – he got her to close her eyes and went in for the kiss. This cheeky assertive side had Daniella thinking they had potential. It seemed as though she didn’t stop laughing, and laughter especially through banter is a great rapport builder. However Daniella mentions she needs mental stimulation, and this can happen if a man balances his soft caring side, with the alpha male side (which is a bit more domineering, assertive and challenging).
He showed that he was thoughtful when he bought her a horseshoe for good luck after their date, which involved horse riding.
At one point during their date in the day Dave says he thought the prospects of romance were pretty good, and they were at that point, but then he messed it up big time. Once we fast forward to the evening in club Fernando’s this is where it went pear shaped. She refers to him as ‘a pratt, but very funny’, and this wasn’t meant in an offensive way, rather an endearing way, but it does hint at a lack of sexual attraction.
With the other boys around he acted macho, but Daniella says he was a pussycat with her. Here’s where things are shifting. Daniella wanted to see more of the macho side to him, and without it she was losing attraction and they were on the road towards ‘just friends’.
So many guys on Take Me Out have unconsciously gone down this route and missed out on potential romance.
Maybe subconsciously she tested him in a view to getting him to step up and assert himself into more of an alpha male role. She started chatting to the other guys in the club, probably after she sensed him getting too clingy, to see how he reacted.
However after a few drinks it seemed he was desperate to try and put things back on track in a romantic sense, but the more desperate he became, the more intense he got and the more off putting it was for Daniella. If he’d have backed off at this point and pulled himself together, had a flirt and a dance with some of the other girls, he might have been able to pique her interest again. I know I keep harping on about it, but the push/pull technique really does work. Women want their emotions to be challenged, they don’t want everything on a plate – an eager beaver is not attractive; neither is a drunken man.
It’s about getting the balance right, and observing how the woman is responding to you, being aware of rapport (when it’s there and how you reached it), when you have that connection and the dynamics of what is happening between you as a couple. If you feel that she is pulling away, it’s for a reason (you have said or done something she doesn’t like), pull away too, consciously disconnect (and don’t worry about it or force it back immediately), and when you reconnect and build the rapport back up you can make the bond stronger. When a person says ‘I feel like I’ve known you for ages’, you are at your pique of rapport, but make sure that you show a woman at this point that you can take the lead, be assertive, don’t over compliment and show interest without being needy.
I’ve done a post on what women are generally looking for here: (link) When you meet a woman if you can showcase as many of these attributes as possible either directly or indirectly, if you have sexual attraction there, and rapport you’re onto a winner.
Another post that might be of interest is this one showing Russell Brand building rapport and sexual attraction in 5 minutes – http://cpn51.ssl-internet.net/rapportconnection-building/
To sum up as the sun sets on Fernandos, there’s been some fantastic people men and women on the show – hopefully some of the guys can learn something from these posts about how to avoid going down the ‘friend’ route.
Roll on the next series! 🙂