Cyber cheating – it’s a grey area

Can you cheat online? Where do you draw the line? What do you consider cheating in a monogamous relationship?

There are 3 scenarios to consider from the list below:

–       Which of the below situations do you consider you would be being unfaithful?

–       Which of the below would you consider your partner was cheating if they engaged in?

–       Which of the things below would your partner consider cheating?

 

If you think about the answers to the 3 scenarios above, ask your partner to do the same, and see if you both agree.

 

1)   Flirty, suggestive tweets

2)   Flirty, suggestive DM’s

3)   Sexual innuendo via chat on Facebook, MSN or other social media

4)   Skype video chats with people you have ‘met’ online

5)   Intimate Skype video calls

6)   Watching porn

7)   Chatting to online webcam girls or guys/watching

8)   Masturbating to girls or guys live online

9)   Sexting people you have ‘met’ online

10) Meeting people you have flirted with and met online for coffee

11)  Booking an escort online and meeting him/her but not kissing or having sex only receiving oral sex

12) Making enquiries to book an escort online and chatting to them but not going through with the booking

 

It is advisable especially in the digital age where social media and talking to complete strangers are considered the norm, to discuss your views on cheating, so that you can come to a decision on boundaries that are agreeable to you both.

The thing to consider is would you do what you do any of the above online in front of your partner, if the answer is no, you would hide it, then it must mean that deep down you feel it is wrong what you are doing.

If you wouldn’t like him/her doing it, then don’t do it is the simple answer. Have respect for your partner!

Cameron Diaz Believes That we are All Born to Cheat …

In light of Cameron Diaz’s new film, The Other Woman her opinion was recently debated on This Morning

Following comments in the media from Hollywood actress Cameron Diaz that we are ‘born to cheat’, This Morning debated the issue with a little help from Catherine Cooper and Louise Van Der Velde .

 

Holly Willoughby revealed some shocking statistics on cheating.

 

Research shows that 60% of men and 40% of women will cheat on their partners at some stage during their marriage, and that 50% of marriages that end in divorce are due to infidelity.’

As an Infidelity Expert I think this debate is nonsensical and ridiculous.

How can we be born or not born to cheat? Cheating is a lifestyle choice, as is the type of relationship we choose to have whether it’s monogamous or polyamorous.

What is important and respectful is that you agree relationship terms before you enter into a relationship, whether it’s an open one or not.

There is no right or wrong between consenting adults. People should not feel the need to conform to what they believe society expects of them… monogamous relationships, marriage etc..

It’s really very simple if you want sex with multiple partners, find someone else who wants the same and if you want to have one special person find some one, who wants the same, don’t enter into a monogamous relationship and then cheat; blaming it on the, ‘we were born to cheat’. Codswallop!

Other articles you may find of interest that I have written on this topic:

http://www.rebeccadakin.com/tvdatingrelationshipsinfidelitysex/sex-parties-killing-kittens/

http://www.rebeccadakin.com/media/trust-important-fidelity/

Daniella Westbrook and Tom Richards hit the headlines with their engagement after 8 weeks. Are whirlwind Romances Risky Business?

 

It’s not uncommon to read about attractive celebrity women having a midlife crisis after having children and grabbing themselves a none celebrity toy boy. And who can blame them? Someone younger can have the effect of making you embrace your younger self especially if you still feel young at heart.

The most recent hitting the headlines is Daniella Westbrook’s (40) engagement to Tom Richards (24) after an 8 week romance. Ok magasine reports here… http://www.ok.co.uk/celebrity-news

Others recently include Kelly Brook (34) and David McIntosh (28).

It’s easy for many of us to lap it up and get caught in the excitement and intensity of a new romance, especially after living many years in a routine as a wife and mother. However it’s important to consider a number of variables to ensure your marriage has longevity.

Things to consider before you commit to engagement/marriage:

1)   Discuss needs and desires for a family – and be aware that they could change for one party at a later date. A younger man may say he doesn’t want family if he’s with an older woman with children, but realistically that could change once outside of the honeymoon period or somewhere down the line.

2)   Discuss and agree on boundaries for fidelity. Many couple don’t do this. Some don’t consider kissing cheating and other think if they receive oral sex it’s not cheating, also sex with an escort some guys deem as not cheating.

3)   Make sure you have met and spent quality time with the important people in your partners life; whether its children, parents siblings, friends, work collegues. The phrase ‘you are the company you keep’ is true, so it’s important to know these people relatively well to find out more about your partner. If there are children involved then the relationships they have with them is of paramount importantance.

4)   Talk about beliefs, lifestyle and morals and check that they are congruent with your own.

5)   Intimacy is very important in a healthy relationship however often sex is electric in the honeymoon period and it can mean that reckless decisions are made. It’s important to try and separate your feelings about sex and consider if you would still want to be with that person even without the sex. This is to ensure your views on compatibility aren’t distorted because of it.

6)   Never pent up any anger. If something bugs you discuss it and deal with it straight away don’t brush it under the carpet thinking that it will go away.

7)   Make sure you are fully aware of their relationship history – what’s their longest relationship? Have they been engaged before? Who ended things and why?

8)   Discuss their goals and travel plans. Are they congruent with your own?  Can you explore and achieve any of them together?

9)   All relationships need a certain amount of compromise however make sure that you both feel you have equally compromised or resentment may fester and take hold later down the line having a negative effect on the marriage.

10)  Jealousy issues and insecurity can be rife in relationships where there is a larger age gap, make sure before you commit that there aren’t any underlying jealousy issues.

Congratulations and all the best to Daniella Westbrook and Tom Richards! They certainly make a good looking couple.

Do you want to Lose a Few Pounds This Easter and Feel Good?

How about having an orgasm! Yes! Yes! Yes!

When did you last have one? Don’t wait for your partner or a man it’s DIY time. Masturbation is not a touchy subject! Orgasm releases the same feel good endorphins that chocolate does and it is also a powerful pain killer, so when the kids have gone to sleep get rid of that head ache by having an orgasm, make this Easter about taking some pleasure for yourself! Buy yourself a saucy read if it helps get you in the mood.

For more feel good and sex tips get in touch with me for your Personal one to one.

Dating Advice – Top 10 things that put Him off Committing to a Relationship with You

These are his Top 10 Turn Offs …

1)   He’s taken you on 2 dates now you think you’re exclusive – you’re referring to him as ‘my boyfriend’

2)   If he doesn’t reply to your text immediately you text again to ask if it’s been received, or ask him what you’ve done wrong

3)   You resent his night with the lads on a Friday

4)   You ask to meet his parents

5)   You’re making plans for you both every weekend, in the months ahead and RSVP’ing invites for him

6)   You’ve been dating 2 weeks and you drop the L bomb

7)   You get twitchy if you don’t hear from him every day at least once a day

8)   Your text messages are 5 pages long

9)   His mates don’t like you

10) You constantly ask him what he’s thinking and how he’s feeling everytime he’s quiet

These things are just some of the behaviours/actions that will make him run a mile!

Do you want to know how to intrigue him and make him desire a relationship with you? I can help. Get in touch today to catch him and keep him.

How Many Times Do Your Neediness Gremlins Miss You Dating Opportunities?

So you get her number, so you know she’s interested right?….. Or maybe did she feel obliged to give you her number? Maybe she just meant as friends because she can’t possibly be interested in you, maybe she was just being polite, so just so as not to offend you’ll fish for a little bit more from her and see if she asks you out, so you have a clear message of interest.

STOP!

I have worked with a couple of guys recently who have both had similar experiences with ladies. With their permission I am sharing their situations so that others can learn.

These examples show how very quickly you can go from hero to zero…

Here’s how their experiences went:

Guy 1 meets a girl on a night out and he’s had a few beers so is full of dutch courage, and even though he is younger, he comes across as confident and assertive, so he piques her interest.

Guy 1: I’d like to take you on a date

Girl 1: I’d like that, here’s my number

Here’s where he loses it a few days later….

Guy1: Text message ‘so where do you want to go out?’

Girl 1: Call me

A couple of days later….

Guy 1: I called there was no answer and you didn’t call me back, did you still want to go out? (he hadn’t given her his number and he didn’t leave a voice mail message)

 

He never heard from her again.

He couldn’t understand what happened. Lets break it down…

1)   He should never have asked her where to go on a date. His next question should have been are you free on x date to meet at x

2)   The clue was there that he was dealing with a confident, assertive woman who desired an assertive man when she asked him to call in a very minimalistic text

3)   He didn’t leave a voice mail and then questioned again if she was interested

 

He came across the exact opposite without the beer… needy, unsure, unconfident, weak, immature, none of which are attractive traits in a man.

I worked with him to become more assertive, boost his confidence and he is now dating steadily a lady he knew from work who he hadn’t realized until working with me had fancied him for months and been giving him all the signs!

 

Guy 2 meets a girl on a night out with mutual friends and she gives him her number. He starts texting…

Guy 2: I really like you I think you’re amazing I’d love to spend more time with you

Girl 2: Cool I’m flattered I’d like to spend more time with you

Here’s where he loses it….

Guy 2: J)))))))))))

Great night

1 Day later…. You ok?

Girl 2: Yes

Guy 2: Was a good night wasn’t it?

Girl 2: Yes

Guy 2: would like to take you out for drinks sometime

Girl 2: Yes that would be cool

Guy 2: I’ll stop pestering you now I’ll leave it to you if you fancy a drink

 

She never contacted him.

What happened?

Let me share woman’s perspective so you can avoid similar faux pas..

1)   She agreed to spend more time with him so the next message should have been an invite, instead she gets a number of smiley faces, which is not something she can reply to, and neither is his next text of ‘great night’

2)   To then ask her a day later if she is ok because he didn’t get a reply means he was seeking her to make more of a move

3)   He keeps referring the night they had with mutual friends and goes on about it too much, seemingly fishing for her to say more

4)   He mentions taking her out for drinks, but doesn’t specifically ask her out

5)   Not content with her second agreement to go out, he says he will leave it to her!

6) The message this woman received was ‘this guy is hard work’, ‘he is emotionally draining’, ‘he’s fishing for compliments’.

Believe it or not there are women that don’t want to engage in a barrage of text messages!

This guy lost it because he came across unconfident, unsure, needy, he placed her at a higher worth than himself. He was so focused on the past he messed up an opportunity for a future date.

As soon as he got the green light for spending more time he should have specifically asked her out, and chosen a date and location.

I am working with him on building his sense of self worth. It’s admirable to treat women with respect and put them on a pedestal however you need to believe you are of equal value for a successful relationship. If you don’t respect yourself no one else will, women will take advantage of you, and/or you will probably fall into the dreaded ‘friend zone’.

 When you believe you are of value as a person ‘Approach Anxiety’ doesn’t exist  and ‘Rejection’  is like water off a ducks back, because it’s her loss!

Can you spot the similar pattern? Guys don’t let your gremlins sabotage your dates!

Don’t allow your neediness to ruin your love life. Be assertive and don’t miss the boat when you have dating opportunities, especially when you have already done the hard part by getting her number.

If any of this resonates with you and you want my help don’t delay, get in touch today and start your journey to dating success!

 

Feedback From My Relationship & Dating Advice Skype Consultations

You have asked me for feedback and for 3 things I took away from working with you, and I’m going to keep it very simple…

1)   Acceptance – Of myself (first and foremost) and others

2)   Understanding – What choices I was making that were blocking me from achieving the relationship I desired

3)   Love – Love of myself, love and compassion towards others which (after being single since my divorce 9 years ago) has facilitated a relationship with a wonderful man!

If anyone is reading this and contemplating contacting Rebecca – do not hesitate. This woman has changed my life for the better by far exceeding my initial expectations.

I thought my new kitchen was the best investment I had made this year, however there is no question about it – it is Rebecca!

Grace. U.S.A

Why are you Single?

This question is offensive because it’s implying that the person isn’t making a choice to be single, that there must be reason, and it suggests faulty goods. Those single must have been rejected, it couldn’t possibly be them who is the rejector! Perhaps it’s insecure people that ask the ‘Why are you Single?’ question?

It also suggests that as a person you need another person to complete you that you are not good enough or worthy enough as an individual entity.

I don’t believe that people are defined by their relationship status. In some respects I have more respect for the lone rangers, because so many people rely on other people for happiness, security and acceptance.

Sadly it seems more sociably acceptable to be in a toxic relationship than making the choice to be on your own.

I wonder what percentage of people are ‘making do’ in marriages and relationships of convenience or co-dependence?

I am curious as to why everyone assumes everybody wants a relationship. Certainly in British culture women are educated and trained and making a choice to have a career. They don’t need a man for financial reasons or to have a family.

Some people may choose work to be a priority, whilst others their social life, charity work, some balance a relationship with some or all of these things, everyone makes a choice, and who are we to say that everyone should conform to our own choices of lifestyle?

We live in a nation where many people are openly selfish choosing a busy lifestyle of social activities, travel with friends and hard work rather than investing time and energy in relationships and starting families. I think it is great that both men and women have the choice now how they want to prioritise their life.

Many people speculate about my love life and assume I am single or married. I always find it amusing whichever people assume as I wonder how they base their conclusion. My private life is not something I discuss and has no bearing on my job, hence I find peoples interest a curious thing.

For those that ask the “Why are you single?” question as a ‘chat up’ line, how about asking something positive instead like “If you’re single you must have an exciting life… what do you do to entertain yourself?” This is a compliment, the former an insult.

 If you get asked here are some come backs for the “Why are you Single?” question (some of which are purposefully designed to deter people!):

1)   I’m seeing how long I can survive being on my own

2)   I haven’t found anyone good enough to be my boy/girlfriend

3)   Why do you want to know? Are you asking me out?

4)   Fuck buddies are far less hassle

5)   Because I prefer to do what I want when I want

6)   I work for MI5 – it’s not feasible to date

7)   I’m finding myself

8)   I have too many people wanting to date me so being single is easier than choosing

9)   If I am single depends on who asks me; whether I want to be available

10) My ex died (obviously only one to use as a conversation stopper!)

11) Because I’m fussy

12)Why are you?

13) I prefer a stress free life

14) I am self sufficient

15) Relationships are sooooo last year

16) Because I keep meeting losers like you!

17) Why are you concerned?

18) I don’t like people

19) I live with my Mum and she does everything for me so I don’t need anyone else

20)I like to mingle! 

 If you want to feel empowered as a Singleton or want to know how to find The One, get in touch with me today to find out how I can help you.

The Truth About British Girls and Sex FHM Sexpert Advice

To expand on one of the questions I covered in this months FHM ….

Threesomes: do women fantasise about this in the way men do? If so, do they generally prefer two women, or two men?

Yes women fantasise about threesomes and both with men and women. Bringing a third party into a relationship is something that should be considered with caution, because there’s no going back once it’s been done and it can put a strain on the relationship and potentially cause break ups.

Women that engage in threesomes with other women just to please their men end up resentful, jealous and insecure. The same can happen if the threesome is with men, the guy can feel the same.

Those that are considering going down that route need to think about what it is they are seeking? Is it a third person that’s needed? Or more exploration between themselves?

There are lots of ways to spice up your sex life without bringing in someone else.

If your partner lacks confidence with her body and in herself she won’t appreciate you suggesting a threesome!

A good way to dip your toe in the water so to speak for a two girl scenario is to try going to a lap dancing club together as a couple, and if your girlfriend is comfortable getting a dance as a couple, if she’s loving it, get her a private dance. If she’s cool in that scenario then she may be open to a threesome.

My advice is to make sure it is someone neither of you know, preferably an escort, and let your girlfriend choose her. Boundaries have to be discussed and agreed first and then explained to the escort prior to the meeting. Also guys need to be aware of how their GF is feeling and watch her body language and physiology to check she is genuinely enjoying herself. She also must know that she has full control and can stop the meeting at any time she doesn’t feel comfortable or if she’s unsure.

I’d advise the same for a 2-man threesome.

Sometimes fantasies aren’t as good when they are played out in real life, some are best left to the imagination!

Other links you may find of interest: http://www.rebeccadakin.com/relationshipssexintimacy/anal-sex-normal-part-sexual-relationship/