Dating Advice – How to Get the Girl. Be Mr Magnetic

Too many guys I work with come to me focusing on the end result of dating a beautiful woman. They forget to look at the bigger picture.

Dating is all about social skills and those that have those skills are usually successful in dating. You can’t run before you can walk.

If you take the focus off the target – woman/en and look at building relationships in general, what you find is that women will come to you without you trying. Isn’t it far better to have people coming to you than for you to see a woman you like and worry about going and talking to her and rejection?

Being magnetic and having people wanting to be around you, is key. To achieve this you need to be externally focused and genuinely interested in other people and making people feel comfortable and happy. Rather than internally focused and thinking and worrying about how you feel, and how you will come across and if you will say the wrong thing.

Many years ago I went out with a guy who knew everyone – literally everyone from the bin men, to the shop workers to random old people. I was walking through his city and everyone wanted to stop and talk to him and say hello. I was impressed. This guy just boosted his social status through the roof and demonstrated higher value on a skyscraper level.

This is incredibly attractive for a woman.

What this told me was that this was a guy who was confident, likable, caring, interested in other people and fun. Initially I wasn’t sure about him but that outing I felt drawn towards him and the attraction stepped up in a big way.

Think about it… who do you like to spend time with and why? I bet who ever you think of will have most of the traits listed below.

They….

1)   Always have time for you and ask how you are and how your day is

2)   Smile at you – are welcoming and friendly

3)   Are bubbly and animated

4)   Show a genuine interest in your life – and remember and ask about things you have told them about

5)   Make you smile and feel good

6)   Make you feel like they care

7)   Offer to go out of their way to help you if you’re in need and they are able

8)   Introduce you to great people

9)   Are positive and happy which makes you feel the same

10) Let you have a moan but they rarely moan themselves

 

How many of these things do you do on a daily basis with people? This is what makes a person memorable, magnetic and irresistible to women.

How memorable are you?

Do you walk around in your own little world, on your I-Phone on Facebook and Twitter talking to virtual women, oblivious to others and only noticing women who physically take your fancy but not having the balls to speak to them?

I mean what’s the point of talking to the guy who has just served you your coffee, or the old lady who’s just sat next to you on the park bench? This is where you are missing out.

What about the hot chick who was sitting in the coffee shop who noticed you because she heard you chatting away to the guy who served you coffee, or the lady that jogged past and gave you a second look and a smile because she noticed you because you were talking to the old lady on a bench and making her smile.

Remember this very important piece of dating advice…. 

Every person you meet is a potential link to a woman that you may want to date.

 

–       Old women have daughters and grand daughters – depending on their/your age

–       Married women may have single friends

–       Women you don’t fancy may have friends you do

–       Teenagers may have single Mum’s

–       Men may have single girl friends

–       Women in relationships may be unhappy

Do you want to be the guy that everyone thinks about, when their daughter/friend/Mum asks about a nice guy to date? The one who is chatty, sociable and likeable?

If so it’s very simple, become externally focused and use the 10 steps above with everyone you meet, and watch to see how people start to want to talk to you and you will draw people in, including the ladies!

If you want further advice on how to ‘get the girl’ I offer Skype consultations in the comfort of your own home or office.

 

Dating Advice for Men – How to Get the Girl – Be Mr Magnetic.

Too many guys I work with come to me focusing on the end result of dating a beautiful woman. They forget to look at the bigger picture.

Dating is all about social skills and those that have those skills are usually successful in dating. You can’t run before you can walk.

If you take the focus off the target – woman/en and look at building relationships in general, what you find is that women will come to you without you trying. Isn’t it far better to have people coming to you than for you to see a woman you like and worry about going and talking to her and rejection?

Being magnetic and having people wanting to be around you, is key. To achieve this you need to be externally focused and genuinely interested in other people and making people feel comfortable and happy. Rather than internally focused and thinking and worrying about how you feel, and how you will come across and if you will say the wrong thing.

Many years ago I went out with a guy who knew everyone – literally everyone from the bin men, to the shop workers to random old people. I was walking through his city and everyone wanted to stop and talk to him and say hello. I was impressed. This guy just boosted his social status through the roof and demonstrated higher value on a skyscraper level.

This is incredibly attractive for a woman.

What this told me was that this was a guy who was confident, likable, caring, interested in other people and fun. Initially I wasn’t sure about him but that outing I felt drawn towards him and the attraction stepped up in a big way.

Think about it… who do you like to spend time with and why? I bet who ever you think of will have most of the traits listed below.

They….

1)   Always have time for you and ask how you are and how your day is

2)   Smile at you – are welcoming and friendly

3)   Are bubbly and animated

4)   Show a genuine interest in your life – and remember and ask about things you have told them about

5)   Make you smile and feel good

6)   Make you feel like they care

7)   Offer to go out of their way to help you if you’re in need and they are able

8)   Introduce you to great people

9)   Are positive and happy which makes you feel the same

10) Let you have a moan but they rarely moan themselves

 

How many of these things do you do on a daily basis with people? This is what makes a person memorable, magnetic and irresistible to women.

How memorable are you?

Do you walk around in your own little world, on your I-Phone on Facebook and Twitter talking to virtual women, oblivious to others and only noticing women who physically take your fancy but not having the balls to speak to them?

I mean what’s the point of talking to the guy who has just served you your coffee, or the old lady who’s just sat next to you on the park bench? This is where you are missing out.

What about the hot chick who was sitting in the coffee shop who noticed you because she heard you chatting away to the guy who served you coffee, or the lady that jogged past and gave you a second look and a smile because she noticed you because you were talking to the old lady on a bench and making her smile.

Remember this very important piece of dating advice…. 

Every person you meet is a potential link to a woman that you may want to date.

 

–       Old women have daughters and grand daughters – depending on their/your age

–       Married women may have single friends

–       Women you don’t fancy may have friends you do

–       Teenagers may have single Mum’s

–       Men may have single girl friends

–       Women in relationships may be unhappy

Do you want to be the guy that everyone thinks about, when their daughter/friend/Mum asks about a nice guy to date? The one who is chatty, sociable and likeable?

If so it’s very simple, become externally focused and use the 10 steps above with everyone you meet, and watch to see how people start to want to talk to you and you will draw people in, including the ladies!

If you want further advice on how to ‘get the girl’ I offer Skype consultations in the comfort of your own home or office.

 

 

 

 

 

Are you a Boring Date?

Everyone is a little bit selfish on some level and wants to know, “what’s in it for me?” Whether it is a job, friends or potential girlfriend/boyfriend. For a job it might be job satisfaction, good pay, a pleasant work environment. For friends it might be fun, support, social activities and social status.

When it comes to girl/boyfriends it’s the same. People think ‘how is this person going to fit in with my life? What can they offer me?’

Everyone is looking for different things and it’s about finding someone who fits in with your lifestyle and matches your values.

What do people see when they look at you? Are you interesting? Do you get on with your life, socialize, live life to the full and make things happen?

Or do you sit wait and make excuses? Because once you have a boy/girlfriend/get a new job, move house then you will be happy, go out, lose weight, socialize, cook healthy food etc…

The people who get on with their life regardless of whether they are in a relationship and find ways to entertain themselves and enjoy themselves are the people who will meet potential girl/boyfriends and have enough to talk about to be interesting and engaging.

The ‘waiters’ are not only boring and dull, but don’t show an attractive trait by giving the power to other people to make them happy and for them to live. They are the ones that will stay in a cycle of loneliness because they have nothing interesting to offer, nothing fun to talk about, because they don’t do anything!

I wrote about a dating profile on Match.com, someone worded his profile: ‘I don’t really know what to write here because all I do is work, eat, gym and sleep’. No Joke! Wow what a catch! Who wants to date someone whose live is so mundane?

Would you contact this guy or the guy who says, ‘I love the outdoors and going mountain biking with my friends at the weekend’?

 

How do You know if You are Boring?

 

1)   Apart from eat, sleep, work and the gym, do you have at least 3 social interests? This could be a social activity/hobby/interest or club

2)   Would you rather stay in and Social network with virtual friends than go out?

3)   Do you rarely get invited to social events?

4)   If you do get invited do you often feel like you can’t be bothered and/or make excuses?

5)   Do you have set meals on set days?

6)   Are your interests all mostly with the same gender or things you do alone? For example knitting, fishing, games workshops, X Box (these things are fine by the way as long as they’re mixed in with other interests)

7)   Does the thought of being spontaneous make you uneasy?

8)   Are you waiting for a boy/girlfriend before you socialize/lose weight etc..? This is a classic self-sabotage!

9)   When you go out do you tend to go to the same places?

10) Do you like your time out of work to be routine?

If you answered yes to two or more of the above then people probably perceive you as boring. If you want to change this perception, do something different!

My Dating Advive for today is;

Remember Einsten said; ‘Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.’ If you are not happy in your life and relationships then do something different, get out there and explore what life has to offer. Live and cherish each moment that you are alive.

This will firstly help you with social skills, give you a sense of well being, second of all you will be interesting, you will have things to talk about and because you radiate positivity people will be attracted.

Who wants to date someone boring? Someone equally as boring!

So if you want to be with a fun/carefree/lively and positive person, first become that person. Once you can offer this you will attract like-minded people.

 

If you need a ‘rocket up you’re a*s’ to get out there, please do get in touch. Empowering and motivating people, is what I am passionate about.

 

 

Sexpert opinion on the G – Spot

Here is an interview I did for an Infographic on the G-Spot. I hope it sheds some light on the debate.

1) In your opinion, why does the G-Spot continue to prove such a fascinating subject amongst women and couples alike?

In most cases women are notoriously more difficult to please in bed than men. Men ejaculate easily and many women are left feel frustrated, with partners in some cases equally frustrated at not pleasing their women. The G spot is considered the holy grail of female sexual pleasure. People believe that once it’s found endless pleasure will ensue with multiple orgasms.

2) What are your thoughts on the conflicting findings of many scientific studies on the existence of the G-Spot?

Some people have a sensitive G – Spot and others not. Just like some women can orgasm through penetrative sex and others not, and some ladies squirt and others not. People seem obsessed with categorizing everyone as the same. For a percentage of women to believe it exists and have enjoyed the intense joys of the g-spot pleasure then it actually must exist, my only doubt is the levels of pleasure it can give from person to person. One theory is some may have little or no sensation and for others there could be fireworks, and this would explain the reasons why some believe it exists and others not.

The concept of the G-Spot entered popular culture after the publication of The G Spot and Other Recent Discoveries About Human Sexuality and it was criticized immediately by leading gynecologists. They denied its existence. Interestingly they changed their opinion after the G-Spot was demonstrated for their observation.

3) Do you feel that the difficulty some women face when trying to find their G-Spot is caused primarily by a lack of good sex education, or individual variation between women? Or something else entirely?

Women forget that they had to work up to clitoral orgasm, and everyone is different. They have to experiment and find out how they like to be touched, what level of pressure to use, and where, the pace and then they learn how to orgasm. You have to do the same with a G-Spot orgasm. You need to learn how your body responds to know what will work for you.

The important thing in my opinion is to not get too worried about it. The one way to ruin a good sex life is to focus too much on a sexual goal. The goal of sex should be to connect with your partner, through exploration of each other’s bodies and mutual pleasure whilst savouring the simple sensual sensations along the way. Yes, orgasms feel good, but there is much more to sex than orgasm. There are many ways to have orgasm without ever touching her g-spot, so it’s important not to get too hung up on it.

4) Many women who set out to explore G-Spot stimulation are intrigued by the prospect of new kinds of pleasure; they seek to explore their own bodies. While all women have a unique response to different kinds of stimulation, how do most women experience the sensation of G-Spot stimulation compared to clitoral stimulation? (In other words, what does it feel like?)

When the G-Spot is stimulated some ladies can find g-spot orgasms easy from penetrative sex. Those that have had G-Spot orgasms would say they are absolutely overwhelming and worth pursuing. They generally take about 20-30 minutes of stimulating and are intense but are much more generalized over your whole body instead of a local experience like the clitoris. They have been described as sudden extreme pleasure, sometimes followed by squirting. This is completely normal for women so one shouldn’t be alarmed. It’s not pee it’s a clear odorless secretion squirted from the Skene’s gland when the G-Spot is stimulated.

5) What are your thoughts on the plastic surgery procedure known as G-Spot augmentation? Medical authorities have already warned that there is no valid medical reason for performing the procedure, yet some women continue to undergo the treatment. Do you have an opinion on this?

My personal thoughts on this are that I’d stay away from all surgery down below unless absolutely necessary because the risks include sexual dysfunction. The G spot in my opinion is not the be all and end all to sexual pleasure; there are lots of other sensual areas to explore. We are all blessed with various erogenous zones around the body so there are lots of opportunities to find other ways to enhance sexual gratification.

6) You are regarded as an expert in the field of sexuality and dating, and have written several awesome books on the subject – in your experience, which sexual positions and techniques give heterosexual couples the best chance of stimulating the female G-Spot? Furthermore, do you have any advice for lesbian couples seeking the same thing? 

The G-spot is on the front wall of the vagina about 2-3 inches inside and feels soft and spongy but like a walnut in texture, shape and size, so positions like missionary with a pillow under her hips work well or with the woman putting her legs up and over her partners shoulder. Also rear entry AKA doggy style. It’s important for the woman to keep her face and head up and prop up on her elbows or hands. The man can change his penetration to hit the G-spot by pulling up on her hips and thrusting in a more downward motion. There are tantric positions, which stimulate the G-Spot; one being the ‘Rotated Woman’.

The Rotated Woman position offers excellent stimulation. To do it, the man lies flat on the bed and the woman lowers herself onto his penis facing backwards toward his feet. She then leans forward, slowly and carefully until she is lying on top of him. She stretches out her legs and puts her hands down by his feet. Then, she slowly does a ‘figure of 8’ motion with her hips or grabs his ankles to slide herself up and down. Because the woman is lying down at this angle, her vagina is pulled taut, which causes the penis to rub it tightly, hence the G-spot pressure. The woman is completely in control here and can set the pace and the depth of the motion.

For lesbians they would use the aid of a strap on, vibrator or dildo if they wanted to stimulate the area thorough penetration.

There are a variety of specific G-spot vibrators, which are great for experimenting with, which are bent at an angle to enhance G-Spot pleasure. I highly recommend you check out Love Honey.

Lelo G-Spot Vibrator is personally recommended

Is Perfectionism Holding you back from having Successful Relationships?

Some recent clients (both men and women) have prompted this blog post, which I hope others can learn from.

Very often people come to me with a problem they have with dating, however when I scratch beneath the surface I clearly see why they are having problems and it’s usually because the foundations aren’t in place – 99% of the time it’s about a mind set that isn’t correct.

What is ever achieved without being in the right mind-set? Do you think we would be flying in airplanes if the Wright Brothers didn’t believe that flying was possible? It was their ‘I can’ and ‘it is possible’ mind set that allowed their brain to find the solution.

Some of the most common mindsets that don’t allow for successful relationships or for success in anything are; lack of confidence, perfectionism, lack of self-belief (not feeling good/worthy enough), and very often there’s a few of these negative mind sets at work, because one of them facilitates the other.

For example, as a perfectionist striving for perfection you are hard on yourself and will never feel you are good enough, so you lack self-belief, which knocks your confidence. You are trapped in a negative cycle.

Also perfectionism means that you are overly critical of others, therefore others don’t reach your high standards. Even though you put ridiculously unachievable high expectations on yourself, often you feel frustration because you feel you are trying so hard and others aren’t.

Listen up! ….

Perfectionism is a block to successful relationships and happiness!

How do you know if you are a perfectionist?

1)   Do you procrastinate?

2)   Do you obsessively think you could always be better as a person and in your job?

3)   Do you ever think ‘I’ll be happy/successful ‘when’… I change my job, I’m in a relationship etc…  but these things never seem to happen?

4)   Do you feel stressed about what you haven’t yet achieved?

5)   Do you feel you are judgmental of others?

6)   Do others consider you difficult to please?

7)   Do you frequently ‘beat yourself up’?

8)   Do you get depressed when you feel that you have failed?

9)   Do you worry about failing?

10) Do you get defensive over criticism even if it is constructive?

If you answered yes to two or more of these questions then you are most likely a perfectionist.

Perfectionism isn’t something you can get cured from it’s about recognizing when it is having an unhealthy impact on your life and learning to manage it. If you’re not where you want to be then the chances are it is having an unhealthy impact.

If you are single and want to be in a relationship you need to learn to manage your perfectionism so you can start to grow and nurture a positive mind-set. For every ‘yes’ you answered aboveit’s a negative, unattractive trait to a potential partner. Perfectionists are often so focused on the future they don’t enjoy the present. Including missing out connecting with people and with the opposite sex, because they are blinkered and internally and future focused.

If this applies to you, I have got a very important sentence I want you to read and think about….

People come to me with what they ‘want’ (relationship/dating/family) and get so focused on it that they forget that the key to getting what you want is down to what you offer.

Whilst you are in an extreme perfectionist mindset you are not going to be attractive to others and will repel people. You are not going to see the good in others, so it’s a lose; lose situation. When you start to live in the present and be happy, people will be drawn to you.

Some of my favourite quotes about accepting failure:

Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. ~ Albert Einstein

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. ~ Thomas Edison

5 Things you can do today to help deal with Perfectionism:

1)   Get into the habit of daily thinking of 3 things that you are thankful for. Health, home, food are basics that many people take for granted. Have a thought for those less fortunate – how about those affected by the recent floods that have lost their homes and possessions, those in third world countries starving and dying. How does this help you? It grounds you, and feeling thankful and grateful for what you have rather than pining and feeling disappointment for what you don’t have and what you want is a much healthier and positive mind set.

2)   Start looking at things you have achieved rather than what you haven’t. Set smaller realistic goals for yourself. Don’t set yourself up to fail, set yourself up to achieve. How does this help you? It allows you to feel a sense of achievement.

3)   Fight procrastination by just ‘doing’ even if something is not perfect. Think of one thing you’ve been procrastinating over and just get on with it. Doing something is better than doing nothing. How does this help you? It helps you begin taking action and accepting less than perfect progress.

4)   The people you are most critical of find 3 things to like/admire about them and compliment them. How does this help? It makes you feel more positive and will make others feel good (one of the key things needed for social skills – drawing people in to you, which in turn equals successful dating and relationships)

5)   Acknowledge your perfectionism. When you feel guilt, frustration, annoyance, anger or dissatisfaction take a moment to note if these feelings are justified or if it’s your perfectionism in play. There is so much information on the web. How does this help you? The first step to positive change is recognizing your behaviour and how it is having a negative impact on your life, because then you can change things around in a positive way.

How do I know all this? Because I am one! I have learnt to manage my perfectionism over the years and it’s still hard work today, but it definitely gets easier. I even cried tears of frustration on my 3rd Aikido lesson because I couldn’t remember the Kion Dosa (a complex series of moves designed to encompass all the moves needed for all levels of Aikido). Ridiculous eh? So I was an extreme perfectionist!

 If your relationships and dating are suffering because of perfectionism and you would like my help, don’t procrastinate, get in touch with me today!

So why did I engage the services of a Dating Coach?

Many thanks to Amanda B for writing a testimonial for me to share to my readers. You were a pleasure to work with. You listened and implemented my suggestions therefore got results! Well done gorgeous lady x

‘I consider myself a reasonably attractive woman and when I go out with my girlfriends I do get attention, however it’s always from the wrong guys. So I decided to try a different tactic and give online dating a try. 

Sadly it proved no different. I attracted men that seemed to want to engage in hours of online chat, which would always turn sexual (and was initiated on their part), and I wasn’t sure how to handle this. I didn’t encourage but I didn’t discourage it either, and when we eventually met I would meet for drinks have a few glasses of wine and occasionally sleep with the guys I met and then I would never hear from them again.

I found Rebecca through You Tube when searching for help with online dating.  Although I was worried at first about buying an online service from a person and not company, after an initial email enquiry where she invited me to ask any questions I had about her service, I felt at ease, and we arranged to speak that week. We get help from a personal trainer when we want help at the gym, so why not get a trainer for dating when we want help with that?

Rebecca spotted immediately why my profile was attracting the wrong men. I hadn’t thought twice about using photos with me glammed up and on nights out with my friends, cocktail in hand, on my profile. She made me realise that I was selling myself as a good time party girl and not ‘girlfriend material’. This is merely one of the things she highlighted to me. After we tweaked my profile I had a couple more consultations with her, and with her advice I am now attracting the type of men that I want to attract. I haven’t found a guy who I want to be exclusive with yet, for now I am just enjoying my dating experiences and taking time to get to know people properly, instead of rushing into bed with them!

It’s helping my self esteem no end being asked on further dates, rather than having a succession of one date wonders! Thank you Rebecca!

I would highly recommend Rebecca’s services, but I hope I won’t need her again!

Amanda B – Cheshire x

Italian Mummys Boys Told by Catholic Church That Mamma is One of the Biggest Risks to Marriage

The Daily Telegraph reports that The Catholic Church believe Italian Mum’s are sabotaging their son’s marriages.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/italy/10642153/Italian-mummys-boys-told-by-Church-that-mamma-one-of-the-biggest-risks-to-marriage.html

Women have to take the blame for Mummy’s boys’ because they are formed through their own selfishness, neediness and jealousy. They are insecure women scared of not being needed and not wanting to let go. Women that instead of finding friends, hobbies and interests to enrich their later life, choose to never let go of their children and dedicate an unhealthy amount of time to them once they are over the age of 21.

For a woman a Mummy’s boy is a huge turn off. Many of the guys become eternal bachelors’; others struggle to maintain healthy, happy relationships and marriages.

Naturally women are maternal and being a ‘Mum’ is a role that many women unconsciously become on some level with their partner regardless of whether they have children. Often the man is joked about as ‘another child’. Especially for women who are solely home keepers and/or parents. As independent as women are today I believe that we are starting to revert back to more traditional values and roles.

This means that inevitably women will clash with the mothers of Mummy’s boys. The result being either they endure a stressful relationship with arguments a plenty, or they end the relationship to find a man whom they can fulfill their nurturing role with without interference.

Mummy’s boys are seen as cowards as usually they don’t want to upset their Mum by having a differing opinion. This also shows a weak will. They are usually incompetent when it comes to cooking, cleaning and washing, therefore seen as not being independent. None of these things are attractive to women. Although we naturally nurture we do want a man to be able to be self sufficient when needed.

How to Know if you are a Mummy’s boyIf 2 or more of these apply to you, it’s time to consider how this is affecting your love and sex life  …

1)   You live with your mum or very close by

2)   Delivers you home made meals

3)   She comes to your house to clean or cleans your room if you live at home

4)   Washes all your laundry and irons it regardless of whether you live at home

5)   She criticizes your girlfriends for their parenting/housekeeping/cooking

6)   You speak almost every day

7)   You see her almost every day

8)   She doesn’t like your girlfriends/wife/partner and tells you so

9)   You’re 20+ and she still buys things for you

10) She cuts your hair

11) She manages your finances

12) She gives you money

If this is you,  what should you do?

If you’re happy with your love life and happy in general then you don’t need to do anything. However bear in mind that sadly our Mum’s are not around forever.

Here is my relationship advice:

If you want to have successful healthy, sexual relationships, it’s time to stand up and be a man. Start saying no to your Mum – express yourself when you disagree. Don’t give in to emotional blackmail. If you are in a relationship then support your wife or partner, be united as a couple. Become self-sufficient, learn how to cook, clean and do laundry. Move out. Become independent. Keep in contact however spend less time with your Mum and on the phone to her. If she is ill this is a different ball game, of course don’t neglect her, but make sure you are not over doing things unnecessarily. Let her know that you love her, just that it’s time for her to let go of the apron strings and encourage her to engage in activities, find a club or interest.

Women want a man who can provide for them, so showing your independence through having your own place and being self-sufficient will mean that you become attractive to women as a potential partner.

5 Things to Do Instead of Faking Orgasm

Me (health supplement In The Sun) reported at the weekend that there is a study that suggesting women fake orgasm for one of five reasons. These are:

– Avoiding anxiety
– She fakes it to increase her own arousal
– To bring sex to an end
– She’s afraid of looking abnormal

I don’t agree with Fay Weldons view that women should fake orgasm. Sadly women that frequently fake orgasm don’t do the rest of us ladies any favours because it leads men into a false sense of achievement.

Any guy who says that his partners always orgasm has been made delusional by women.

My opinion as a Sexpert has always been, with the nicest intentions, ‘why fake it? Because he will stop trying!’

You have to bear in mind that 80% of women cannot orgasm through penetration alone. There are also many women who are yet to experience their first. There is nothing ‘normal’ about the female orgasm. For many couples it takes time, patience, understanding and communication.

What men should also consider is that many women enjoy the pleasures of intimacy and are satisfied sexually without orgasm. Good sex is all about exploration and creating pleasurable sensations for both people which may or may not end in orgasm.

Often both parties put too much pressure on themselves – the guy wants to please his woman and she feels pressure for it to happen and then it doesn’t so she fakes it, so as not to hurt his pride. This ensures an endless vicious cycle with both people frustrated and unsatisfied.

Many men feel their sexual prowess is linked to their worthiness.  So when they suffer from sexual problems such as premature ejaculation and impotence, many avoid intimacy with their partner because they feel they can’t satisfy her so they avoid sexual contact.

There is a misconception that men with larger penises are better in bed and can satisfy women better than those with average or small sized penises. In many cases this is the opposite. The most sensitive area inside a woman is about 3 inches up and is known as the G spot. Therefore there is no reason why a man with a 3” penis could not satisfy a woman. Granted there are women that prefer larger men (usually those that orgasm through stimulation at the top of the vaginal canal near the cervix), however they are not the majority.

Women can have many types of orgasm, there are 11 ways altogether, including the amazing ‘mental orgasm,’ where no touch is necessary! It’s all about thinking erotic thoughts and encouraging feelings down below. Women orgasm when they create a powerful connection from their mind to their vagina. The powerful sexual feelings you get when dreaming of sex are testimony to the power of the mind.

The different types of orgasm that have been reported are as follows:

1)   The Clitoral Orgasm

2)   The Vaginal Orgasm

3)   The G Spot Orgasm

4)   The Mental Orgasm

5)   The Breast Orgasm

6)   The Squirting Orgasm (Ejaculation)

7)   The Deep Spot Orgasm

8)   The A Spot Orgasm

9)   The Skin Orgasm

10) The Oral Orgasm

11)  The U Spot Orgasm

To clarify but a few – the clitoral orgasm, is a result of direct stimulation on the clitoris and can be achieved by oral sex, fingers, toys or penetrative sex (for many women being ‘on top’ is favored), the G Spot orgasm (a sweet spot 3 inches inside the front vagina wall) which can often result in female ejaculation known as ‘squirting’, and then there is the orgasm which is a result of stimulation close to the cervix (The Deep Spot Orgasm). Not every woman can experience all types of orgasm, and stimulation of the orgasmic areas may or may not be pleasurable and differs from person to person.

It’s a real shame that women feel they want to fake orgasms, because faking it for the reasons above (aside from increasing arousal) means that they aren’t having fulfilling sex on an emotional as well as a physical level.

5 Things to do instead of Faking it:

1)   Communicate with your partner and guide him in a sensitive way on how he can increase your pleasure. Be sure to give him plenty of encouragement when he gets it right.

2)   Stop worrying! Enjoy the journey not the destination. Don’t expect to orgasm, just relax and savour pleasurable feelings and touch. Let your man know that you just want to enjoy the sexual sensations he is creating for you, rather than orgasm. If neither of you expect it, it might catch you by surprise!

3)   Explore the different areas that are known to induce orgasm, and find what works for you. There is plenty of information on the Internet.

4)   Increase foreplay (women generally need at least 20 minutes) and make sure you are fully aroused before intercourse. Sometimes enjoy intimacy without penetration through touch and massage.

5)   Connect mentally with your partner and learn how to ‘get in the mood’ for intimacy, so sex isn’t a chore. See my Huffington blog post here… http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rebecca-dakin/

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Valentines E Book Super Sale on Chick Lit!

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We’re spreading the love this Valentine’s day. Ten fabulous (and mostly chick-lit) authors have teamed up to offer you an amazing ebook promo. See below to download FREE or hugely discounted bestselling books. Valentine’s Day only.

The Girlfriend Experience – My Autobiography. Today only $0.99

‘I really enjoyed reading Rebecca’s book and admire her candour and honesty.’ — Richard E Grant

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Download now – UK
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It’s Got to Be Perfect– FREE – today only!

#1 Amazon Bestseller (Humour)
#1 Amazon Hot New Releases

‘A hilarious page-turner!’

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Download now – US
Download now – UK

Dating a Cougar – FREE today!

‘This book kept me laughing the whole time!’

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Real Chick lit for Real Chicks – Boxed set only $0.99 Today!

‘Meredith Schorr is such a witty author. She brings heart and humor to every story she tells.’

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Conditional Love – Today only $0.99!
‘A witty, laugh-out-loud romantic comedy with a protagonist you’ll love and I highly recommend it!’
Miranda Dickinson
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Whiskey and Gumdrops – Today only $0.99!

‘This was a fantastic story of love, loyalty, and patience. A must read!’
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Head Over Heels (A chick lit novel about love, friendship…and shoes)- Today only $0.99
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Carved in Stone – FREE today!

‘A refreshing and unapologetic look at love after fifty’

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What Stays in VegasFREE – today only!

“What Stays in Vegas is a quirky, fun, chick lit novel written by someone who has seen it all firsthand in the corporate world – a self-professed “worst best secretary you’ll ever have the pleasure of reluctantly doing business with.” – Chick-Lit Books.com

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Finding Lucas – Today only $0.99!

‘…extremely well written and I really enjoyed the comedic aspect of it. I hated having to put the book down and couldn’t wait to find out what happened next.’ — Marlene Engel, Chick Lit Central

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One Summer in France – FREE today only!

Amazon Humour and Memoir bestseller. From the author of ‘Bunny on a Bike’ (humorous memoir of a Playboy croupier)

‘The writing is intelligent with beautiful use of language interlaced with humour.’

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Urban Venus – Today only $0.99!

‘The city just lifts off the pages of this delightful novel’

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Single Girl Ideas for Valentines Day

All the single ladies, all the single ladies lalalala…

Now is not a time to mope, singldom should be cherished and enjoyed! It’s what lots of people that are married and in relationships pine for.

Here’s 10 things to on Valentines Day to make you smile…

1)   Exchange Valentines day cards with a single girlfriend. It does feel good to know you are getting at least one card and you know it’s from someone that loves you, even though it’s not in ‘that’ way.

2)   Invite your single friends round for nibbles and wine. Think about inviting an acquaintance to broaden your social circle. Maybe it’s someone you work with that you know is single but haven’t socialized with before. If possible ask everyone to bring a single friend. Hopefully everyone will meet one or two interesting new people.

3)   Buy a bottle of wine and sit and watch your favourite feel good film. Try and avoid rom coms if they make you weepy and pining for a man!

4)   If you have a male single friend see if he’s free to have a drink so you get a testosterone fix. It’s healthy to have male friends even when you are single, as their conversation is different – there’s only so much talking about boys and shopping that one can do!

5)   Pamper yourself with a candle lit bubble bath, a chilled bottle of fizz and your favorite music in the background, and enjoy and appreciate your ‘me’ time.

6)   Invite a single girlfriend round for dinner and either cook, or get yourselves one of the Valentines meal deals to enjoy with the added bonuses of fizz and chocolates. Reminisce and talk about fun girl times.

7)   Buy yourself a colourful bunch of flowers and display and put them in a prime position. They will make you smile and who’s to say you can’t romance yourself on Valentines to make you feel good?

8)   Visit your Mum, Gran or an older close family member. Chances are they probably won’t be out on Valentines. If your Mum and Dad or Gran and Granddad are still together, reminisce with them how they met and enjoy and cherish their tales of romance.

9)   Do an exercise or dance class to get the feel good endorphins flowing. If the class is in the evening, the others there will probably be single too, so why not try a new class? One where you might find some eye candy.

10)  Have a night on the town at the bars and clubs. Ok, there are lots of couples (however they will mostly be dining and gazing longingly into each others eyes), but at least the singletons will be easy to spot. It’s the perfect night to go out!